You Can't Ring My Bell

When we moved here last year, one of the first things we noticed about this neighborhood was the high volume of door to door sales-people and religious recruiters.  We'd get several people knocking on our door to sell us their goods, services, or religion on nearly a daily basis.  They'd even come around into our back yard or our garage to accost us with their sales pitch.  It was incredibly annoying.  With a baby on the way, we knew we did not want that bell ringing while the baby was sleeping, so we promptly put up a "No soliciting"sign.  Well, it baked in the heat of the sun, melted, warped, fell and shattered on the ground.  Not 15 minutes later, the bell rang.  So, I picked up a cute wood plaque, and painted my own beautiful, hand-crafted, Martha Stewart - approved "No Soliciting" sign, screwed 2 magnets to it, and put it up.  Again, peace was restored, and my house was back to my own private sanctuary.  Until a few days ago...

A salesman from Comcast/Xfinity rang my bell at dinner time last week.  He looked a little flustered, like maybe he saw my sign after he rang the bell.  I took his flier, and he tried to go on endlessly, but I explained we did not like Comcast and pointed out that dinner was on my table.  End of meeting.  So, today, when the door rang during the baby's nap-time, I figured it was a delivery.  Imagine my surprise when this same asshat is standing on my stoop!  I tip toed back to the living room, and told my 4 year old "Shhhhhhh, pretend we are not home."  That's when the second door bell ring came.  I flew off the couch, ran to the door, flung it open, ripped the sign off the door, stuck it approximately one inch from his face and yelled "Can you READ?!  This says 'no soliciting!'.  It should say 'Don't you dare ring my bell and wake up my sleeping baby.'  I have this here for a reason.  Last week I told you we had Comcast previously, had terrible service they never could help us with, and got rid of it.  And yet, here you are, on my stoop, ringing my bell during nap time.  I don't want  you ringing my bell, or anyone else from Xfinity or any other salesperson.  I thought this sign was clear enough, but now I've told you verbally.  Do not ring this bell again."  He proceeded to tell me that he thought we were already customers so it would be okay.  Um, no.  That is not how this works.  My sign does not say "No soliciting unless you think we might be customers anyway"  it says "NO SOLICITING".  And if you should assume that means anything else beyond what it says you should err on the side of "Ring this bell and try to sell me shit and I will fucking stick you."  He still launched into his speech.  I had to shut the door in his face.  It was an exercise in complete stupidity and complete disregard for the person you are communicating with.  I mean, there are folks who miss social cues, but I was not being unclear I had a bright, multicolored sign that spelled it out!

Now, typically I don't behave like a hard-ass.  Keep in mind, the first time I just gave him the benefit of the doubt, told him we didn't like what he was selling, and wished him luck and excused myself back to dinner.  I didn't have to be nice on that occasion, either, in my opinion.  This is my home.  My private space.  My place where I can choose who I let in, what I have to put up with, and if I put up something that makes clear that I do not wish to be bothered, then that needs to be respected.  You disregard my feelings in my own home, then do not expect me to respond to you with respect and decency.  Don't make me break a piece of my autumn door decor off to shank you with.