Sunday, February 20, 2011

Released into the Wild

Today I learned that if I pick up a Starbucks coffee when I walk into the grocery store to do my shopping, I will talk to anything with a pulse (and some random fruits and vegetables) throughout my shopping trip.  Everyone who knows me is aware that I am a champion talker.  Give me some caffeine, and I simply cannot shut up.  I even have a voice in my own head saying "For crying out loud, shut the hell up!" when I'm in the middle of a marathon mouth run. 

It's always quite funny when 2 people who both talk a lot, and rather quickly, get together and have a conversation.  I have a few friends who could possibly out-talk me, or at least give me a run for my money.  We are always half talking over each other, and still managing to completely follow the conversation and respond to each other even while talking over each other.  I'm not sure if anyone around us could follow what we're saying, but we can listen and talk at the same time.  That takes some serious skill and concentration!  haha  See how I play it off as an asset.  It's not like we don't care about what the other is saying, we do, and we hear them, we just are responding or questioning or describing while listening, and we equally do it to each other.  The scary thing is, as fast as I talk, my mouth is never even able to keep up with my brain.  A fraction of what I am thinking actually makes it out of my mouth. 

As I mentioned, this condition gets worse with caffeine, but it also gets worse with isolation from other adults, and when I see something exciting, funny, or unbelievable.  Then I just can't quit. 

I have chronic insomnia.  Yes, this relates to my talking, as it is caused by my inability to shut down my mind in order to properly rest.  See, even when I'm not running my mouth, my brain is still going.  I make long lists of things I have to do (we call it listing, and sometimes I'll try to verbally go over what we have to do with my husband at night and he'll tell me to stop listing and stop trying to pull him into it.  He recognizes what I'm doing before I do!), I write emails in my mind, I go over projects I want to do and plan how I will carry them out.  I also work on time management plans for the next day or week.  I cannot imagine what it must be like to have a quiet mind that can relax and settle down.  Mine is always going, and it shows through my talking, my sometimes obsessive cleaning or working on projects.  Even when I try to take a nice, calming bath I have to put a DVD on or I will sit there and go over and over all the things I should be doing instead, and it becomes so un-enjoyable that I have to get out of the tub.  Not enough is ever done, nothing is ever good enough, and I have to keep going. 

I have not found a cure for this ridiculous "condition", so everyone just has to put up with my yapping.  At least they get to leave after awhile, I'm stuck with myself!  So, if anyone knows of some secret, miracle cure for such an obnoxious mind, let me know!  I'd like some peace and quiet from myself now and then.  It can just be too much, and, yes, it can get to uncomfortable levels where I feel completely unsettled.  I am not sure how this ever started.  So, if you're around me & I am talking too much, know I simply cannot shut up.  I really want to, and I'm hating it, but it is what it is.  Silver lining?  My oldest son has crazy awesome verbal skills, and it looks like the baby is headed that way, too.  Guess it's not all that bad! 

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