Sunday, January 30, 2011

So Little Time

This weekend has been a blur!  There has been so much to do, and so little time to do it.  We had about an hour and a half drive to a birthday party today, and I brought a tote bag full of coupons to go through along the way.  I asked my husband how short on time one must be to clip coupons in a car, but that is exactly what I did.  I would ask where all my time goes, but I know exactly where it goes as soon as I look at my children.  But, it's time well spent! 

We had a busy day yesterday with projects and cleaning the house.  My husband and my sister's boyfriend repaired my mother's car.  It's very handy to have people in the family who know how to work on cars.  What would've been over $200 to put in a $6 part, cost just the $6.  My mother also treated everyone to dinner.  It was nice to visit, and be productive.  My son was thrilled to see his Nana and his Auntie. 

Today we went to see my husband's side of the family.  My mother-in-law wanted pictures of my son in the sweater that she made him that I mentioned in a previous post.  I brought it with us, and when she saw it her reaction was "Oh that's all wrong!"  So, now I don't have to feel guilty for thinking it was bad.  She even took it from us and kept it to try to fix it.  The entire thing had baffled me from the start, because I know she can knit (and she can knit very well).  Here's hoping it's okay after the fix.  We did have a great time watching our oldest son play with our niece.  She loved the American Girl Doll (Kanani) that we gave her.  We all had a nice time, but the baby does not like to get too far from Momma!  He would cry if he couldn't see me for too long.  My oldest son always seemed happy to get rid of me!  The two boys look alike, but it is funny to see how different their personalities are. 

On the way home my oldest son woke up.  When he wakes up in the car, he always cries.  I think he gets confused, and he is still half asleep which doesn't help the situation.  When we got home he started losing it over pulling into the garage.  He was screaming for us to not pull in the garage, and when we got him out of the car he tried to high-tail it out of the house.  He said he was going to go to another house.  The entire time he was crying.  He had been crying for forty minutes by this time.  Then he blurted out that he was so tired. (No, really?  We didn't notice!)  So, I offered to take him upstairs and put him to bed, and he started crying that he was "so hungry".  So we told him we had chicken nuggets for him, and he said he wanted them.  So we got them out, and that's when he got bossy on top of his irrational crying and freaking out.  "I don't want THOSE chicken nuggets!  Make me different chicken nuggets!"  And he was yelling these things at us in this loud, monster voice.  Then it was "Get out of here!  I want to eat them BY-MY-SELF!"  Then he was refusing to eat them again, and so my husband took one and ate it and that set him off even more.  "Give me that chicken nugget!  I want that chicken nugget!  You give that back to me RIGHT NOW!"  We felt so bad for him, because in between he'd be sobbing and gasping for breath, so I knew he was so upset he just didn't know what to do with himself.  He would shout "I'm SO angry!"  He asked for a hug, and I gave him one, and he sobbed "But I'm still angry, so you know."  Finally we got him calmed down, and he ate his chicken nuggets, and he took his bath without incident.  Then he went to bed.  He's been out cold for awhile now.  The poor kiddo.  Even though him screaming at us like we were bad children, and that was comical, it always breaks my heart to see him become so unraveled like that.  I speak the language of hysterics.  I used to have hysterical fits as a child, and I remember them vividly.  I remember suddenly feeling like I wasn't even myself anymore, and like I was watching myself melt down from outside of my own body.  I know that must be what he's going through, and I know how terrible and exhausting it makes you feel.  I try to think of ways to help him get past it when it happens (luckily it doesn't happen very often), but it mostly seems to just have to run it's course.  I just remind him that I love him, and I'm there as soon as he needs that hug.  Just being present, calm, and reminding him that he's loved even during the ugly moments seems to help, and it's all you really can do in these situations.  I can't really punish him for it (the fit is punishment to him enough, trust me), because he's not trying to be bad.  He has just lost control of his emotions, and doesn't know how to regain it.  It's the struggle to regain his composure that is almost painful to watch.  But he gets through it, gets that hug, and tells me he loves me, too.  I don't want him to think he's alone when he's trying to figure out what to do with big emotions like anger.  (Babies obviously aren't born knowing what anger is, what it feels like, and how to deal with it, so when kiddos are little they can be overwhelmed quickly by their own feelings.)

I'm happy to be heading to bed, myself.  For the weekend was so exhausting, and I hope my son gets the rest he needs to recharge after that draining episode.  Tomorrow will be a nice, relaxing day at home I think!  Let's cross our fingers!

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