Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Bird Rain?!

Birds have always freaked me out.  I am not sure if this has to do with a scene from a scary movie or show I may have seen as a child where a bird did something to someone, or if it has to do with geese chasing me in a park as a kid, or that I have watched several people get pooped on by the flying waste machines, but whatever the reason (or combination of) I do not care for them.  Every bird I see is suspect.  Are they going to poop on ME?  Are they secretly planning on pecking my delicious brains out?  I am sure they are up to something.  I ran into an indoor exhibit with my then toddler at the National Zoo last year, and my husband sat on a bench, watching the stroller.  When I came out the thing was covered in bird droppings.  He had left it under a tree.  It was equally revolting and disturbing to me.  How many birds were in that tree, happily bombing whatever was underneath them? 

Now we find out we have to worry about huge flocks of birds themselves falling out of the sky, dead.  Fabulous.  I read one person shielded themselves with an umbrella as birds dropped right out of the sky above, landing on people, cars, houses, anything down below.  This has happened 3 times in the past few days.  Now I'm certain I will walk out of my house and be rained upon by dead birds.  Just when I thought I knew the extent of the problems birds can cause (including the damage the woodpeckers at our last house caused to the outside of our home), this happens.  I don't even want to go out to get the mail! 

I recently started jogging.  This bird phenomenon is equal parts deterrent and motivator for jogging.  I don't really want to go outside to be rained on by deceased fowl, but if I find myself out there you better believe I'm running!  I need to get a head start in case I need to play a game of dodge bird while outside.  I'm afraid driving will become a hazard, because if a bunch of dead birds fall onto my windshield I may just pass out.  Will they have to start reporting this on the nightly news during the weather segment?  "Overnight there will be a 40% chance of a bird blizzard.  Get your boots and shovels ready."  We have a lot of dogs in the neighborhood.  I can't even imagine the horrors associated with thousands of these particular chew toys landing in our cul de sac, and the resulting blood bath.

The weather in 2010 was weird.  The piles and piles of snow, the heat waves, the terrible storms... I was hoping 2011 would be more reasonable, but this has to take the cake.  I wonder what the rest of the year would bring.  Any predictions?

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