Friday, January 21, 2011

Pink Bunny Footie Pajamas

Everyone, at least once in their lifetime, ends up with a pair of "pink bunny footie pajamas", figuratively speaking, as a gift from someone else.  That article of clothing you'd never pick for yourself, has the potential to even be embarrassing, and yet you feel obligated to wear it at least once for the person who gave it to you.  My poor 3 year old son was the lucky recipient of such this year.

My son is about average for his age, body size speaking.  He is a little small, but he is very proportionate.  We have no problem with clothes fitting him properly, and I have, of course, never complained that they fit him less than perfectly in the proper size.  I would say that the family members who see him most often would know that there is nothing unusual about his appearance or how his clothes fit him.  Cut to Christmas Eve, when he received a handmade sweater...

There is a knitter in the family, who likes to knit sweaters for newborn babies when they are born.  It took my kiddo 3 and 1/2 years to get his, though all the distant relatives' kiddos got theirs before they were even born.  Well, turns out, it could've waited forever.  My opinion was asked before the sweater was made, and I helped choose a sweater vest.  The sweater my son opened, however, was a knit hoodie sweater.  At first it looked okay, but when we pulled it out of the box and the arms hung down way past the hem of the body, I could tell something was up.  (Arms that wouldn't even be an issue if the sweater vest was made.  It wouldn't even have arms, in that case.)  The woman explained that my husband had a long torso, but his brother had long arms (they come from 2 different Dads too, so it's important to note that my son doesn't share all that much DNA with his uncle, and does not have this strange arm issue).  So, she said she had to guess at what my son's affliction might be when it came to body proportions.  So instead of following the pattern for a 3T child, she opted to make a shorter torso (remember, my husband had a LONGER than normal torso she said), and pair that up with longer than normal arms.  And boy is it obvious.  I have no idea why she strayed from the pattern, or why she didn't call me and ask his measurements, or why she chose to not go with just making a longer torso in case he shared that trait with his father.  But, we put this sweater on my son, and it looked like one of those shirts cut up real high in the front so the midriff would show, but is longer in the back, and then has ape arms to complete the look. 

I have seen this woman's work before.  I know she knows how to knit.  So, I just have no idea what she was thinking here.  It's not a case of "she's just learning how to knit and it's the effort that counts."  No, she made all normal sweaters for everyone else.  She just got goofy with this one, almost as if she's never seen my kid!  So, after my husband saw the sweater and told me to take it off of my son because he looked ridiculous and uncomfortable, I hung it in the closet and decided I'd only make him wear it once to her house, and that was going to be it.  Well the time has come.

I got an email today asking if we had any pictures of him in the sweater yet, and the answer is "no."  I mean I have no reason to take pictures that can only be intended for blackmail later in his life.  Nothing fits right with this thing.  Hell, it throws itself off it's own hanger on nearly a daily basis.  Even it knows!  But later this month, when we go to her house, I will take it with us and make him wear it into her house so she can see it.  I'm not sure what she'll have to say about it, but if she's going to gush I'll let her get that out of her system, and then when we return home we'll pack it away.  The poor kid can't even roll the sleeves up, because rolling up sweater sleeves is like putting mini inner tubes around your wrists.  It's way too bulky and impractical.  I just can't think of any way to make this work out reasonably for him.  Plus, what good is a sweater when it doesn't really cover your tummy properly?  So there you have it, his pink bunny footie pajamas.

Interestingly enough, my pink bunny footie pajamas came from the same person about 9-10 years ago.  This was back when I had a weight problem, and boy this woman never let me forget that I was overweight any time that she was around.  One lucky day she had a "gift" for me.  She had been shopping at BJ's and saw a pair of pants she thought I just had to have.  (Pants from BJ's?!  Really?!)  They were this amazing (barf) pair of khaki, elastic waist, shapeless pants that were several sizes larger than what I actually wore.  They could have had another job moonlighting as a parachute or boring circus tent.  Message received, thank you.  I'm fat, you're not.  I apparently was too fat to even have a normal button and zipper on my pants.  And I was too fat for her to reasonably guess my approximate size.  When I lost all my weight and became smaller than her, though, that was the sweetest "revenge".  I wish I had kept those pants.  I would totally regift them to her.  "Here, I don't need these anymore.  Maybe you could use them."  Oh how fantastic the absurdity would be.

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