First, I'd like to thank my husband for tonight's title. (He has come such a long way since that time he tried to help me write a blog post *unsolicited help, I might add* Re-live that little bit of literary genius here... )
Second, I must say that sending me an email to explain how the emergency "store" in your house is not complete yet, you are planning to store 6 months worth of supplies, does not make the situation any less bizarre or less brain-exploding. Trust me, it was better for me to come up with any judgements I had based on only 3+ months of supplies. It was nice for them to point out they are actually not planning for a zombie apocalypse, but I cannot help but postulate that whatever disaster keeps them from leaving their house for 6 months is probably something unsurvivable, anyway. And if they did survive, I'm not sure what would be left around them. Probably just zombies. So, I did email them back and suggest they stock up on flame throwers... just in case. I added "AAAAHHHH ZOMBIES!!!" in case they weren't sure why I'd suggest flame throwers. And that was the extent of my response. When I only have 2 sentences to say to you, you know something is seriously wrong (right? you've read my blog... or spoken to me in person... I'm never short on words.)
Now, if in a few weeks I'm totally eating my words and wishing I had some enormous stock pile of tuna in a baggie, feel free to rub these posts in my face. I can take it. I am wearing my big girl panties.
Another odd update, for those of you who are aware that the glass on our oven door spontaneously exploded after the handle fell off (in the middle of using the oven, too!!)... let me fill you in on the results of the "service" call today.
First of all, big shout out to WHIRLPOOL GOLD for:
A. Creating exploding ovens in the first place... ovens that people keep in their kitchens, along with their children sometimes. That was brilliant.
B. Not putting a huge sticker on this that says "This shit's gonna explode and rain glass on whoever is standing in front of it. Stock up on band aids, and while you're at it pick up a shop vac."
C. After getting our call that our lower oven door exploded and rained shattered glass everywhere (as that warning they never put on the oven should have predicted), for not telling the service guy anything but to come out and look out our cooktop from 2007. Try our oven door from 2011, asshats.
D. For doing such a bang up job of creating a safety hazard, and then sending someone totally unprepared to fix it, making me wait another week with a screaming hot oven door that I really can't use to cook food without risking burning off the skin on my legs or my cats or my kids should any of those things touch the door. If you don't touch the outside, when it slams back on you when you go to check the food (because it can't stay open anymore, either) the inside of the door is sure to burn you.
Bravo, WHIRLPOOL. Bravo.
That being said, the repair man is as baffled by all of this as I am. He said he cannot believe the door did not explode sooner, and we are not the only ones this has happened too. He had to order me new glass, and put it in as an emergency order, so he can fix it next week. He also told me to make sure they send the right color and it's not broken. I bet he said that because both of those things have happened to him already. It's like the warnings on hair dryers to not use in the shower. You know some idiot thought they'd do a simultaneous wash and dry at the same time to earn that warning sticker. He also fixed the date of our purchase so it's under warranty. Nice try, WHIRLPOOL. 2007, 2011... who would notice?
It's totally okay that we don't have an oven to cook with right now, because I know where I can get my hands on some food to "sit in the sun" in case they drag out this repair for, say, oh, about 3 months.