Today I became an accidental criminal. I totally shoplifted a Vick's vaporub and 2 sesame street toothbrushes from Walgreens. Now, before I get any further, since I am aware that I have thieved... I will be returning to the store tomorrow, after dropping my kiddo off for school, to pay for the items.
I can't knowingly steal chest rub and kiddie cavity prevention devices... that would be humiliating. It's not like I pulled off some big, dangerous, gutsy, cool heist. I mean, one of my two accomplices still poops his pants. Cool & dangerous... sadly, not. It was a case of putting these things in a "safe spot" in the stroller, where they wouldn't fall out, while I finished shopping and made my way to the front of the store. Then, my oldest was trying to con me into candy (um, no), and I was busy keeping him from helping himself to the M&M's. It wasn't until I arrived home, went through the bag and said "Where's the vaporub?" Then, dammit! I ran out to the car, pulled out the stroller, popped it open, and there was the Vicks and the Bert & Ernie and Cookie Monster toothbrushes... still in that "safe spot". Indeed, they did not fall out. The baby was napping, so I just kept the boxes, and I'll go back with them tomorrow so they can ring them up.
When I posted on Facebook that I was on the lam, several of my friends mentioned incidents where they were undercharged for items, and went back to have the bill fixed. It was so refreshing to hear about honest people in the world! That STILL happens! People STILL do the right thing, believe it or not! So, all in all, I'm glad I shoplifted. I got to see a honest, and quite nerdy, side to people that I thought was becoming extinct.
My son is sleeping so much more peacefully tonight, thanks to the stolen vaporub, by the way. I think the fact that it's criminal really increased it's effectiveness. I can't be sure, but it's possible.
I also have to mention, I almost went to Safeway for these items. One of my very first thoughts, when I realized what I'd done, was "Thank goodness I didn't go to Safeway!" All I could think about was that pregnant woman who ate a sandwich while shopping, then paid for all her groceries but absentmindedly forgot to pay for the sandwich, so they had her arrested. Could you imagine what they would have done for a vaporub and two whole toothbrushes? Surely a public flogging would have been a best case scenario.
Now that you've read this, are you an accessory to my crime? At least until tomorrow morning when I go turn myself in to the cashier? You should probably be ashamed of yourself.