Friday, January 6, 2012

Then you realize, you can never die...

If you're a mom with small kids who has ever had to make the extremely difficult decision to leave her children with their father, or to cancel whatever she had to do and stay home with her kids, you will know exactly what I'm talking about in this post.  If you do not have small kids, or you are one of those freakishly amazing single Dad's who could out-Mom the Super Nanny... let me explain to you why the above decision can be so difficult for us everyday, run of the mill Mommas. 

Lots of Moms have that feeling in the pit of their stomach that tells them the moment they leave their children in the hands of their husband that all Hell will break loose.  (Moms have great instincts, and you should probably trust that gut feeling!)  I don't know WHY any woman would ever feel this way, oh except for the millions of examples you dudes give us to go on. 

I became suspicious of my husband's ability to care for our children while simply cleaning the house.  I'd clean the first floor, and go upstairs to clean the 2nd floor.  By the time I'd get back downstairs it would look so much worse than before I started cleaning.  Total chaos, toy shrapnel, assorted bits of food, unidentifiable spills everywhere, screaming and/or crying children.  More times than not, the hour he was alone with the kids would end up in everyone's favorite game "Is it poop or chocolate?"  That's when you realize, as a mom, you can never die.  Let's not forget, this was just after an hour of cleaning in the same house

I was apprehensive about leaving the kids with my husband while I ran some errands.  Alas, eventually one must leave their home and venture into the real world.  Often, when I return home from an outing, I am immediately greeted with a scene from "Lord of the Flies".  Naked, dirty kids, running around, poking each other with sticks, screaming with evil laughter, and a house that resembles a jungle more than my house.  Again, then you realize you can never die.

Over the holidays I was really reminded of why I can never die, as my husband was on vacation, and helping with the kids more.  One morning I was cleaning, and then I had to get ready and go out to a well deserved spa day with my sister.  My husband served the kids breakfast and lunch while I was cleaning and getting ready.  At dinner, I arrived home and sat with the family.  The kids were eating their favorite, hot dogs, and telling me about their day.  I asked what they had for lunch, and my oldest said "hot dogs!"  So, naturally, I asked "Did you seriously give them hotdogs for two meals in a row?!".  My husband's response?  "No," which was accompanied by his lying face.  Immediately I knew.  "What did Daddy give you guys for breakfast?"  "HOT DOGS!", my son cheered.  Yes, indeed he gave them hot dogs for all three meals, not just two.  Then he sang a little jingle about "This is what happens when Daddy takes care of the kids."  They were also still both in their pajamas.  They only changed out of their pj's to take a bath and put on fresh pj's. 

I mean, the kids probably would survive if he had to take care of them alone if something happened to me, but still... I should try not to die.  Tonight, at dinner, the baby kept looking over to the counter.  He was reaching for it and fussing... 
My husband looked at him and said "Oh, no, sorry.  We don't have any more donuts.  We ate them all."  
I asked "What, you both ate all the donuts?"
Husband "Yeah, he wouldn't eat his chicken for lunch, so I gave him a donut."
Me No wonder the boys turn everything down.  You'll always give them a hot dog or a donut if they don't want what they have!  They can name their diabetes "Daddy".  Like... "Oops, gotta go take my insulin because I have Daddy.
Husband *singing* This is what happens when Daddy takes care of the kids!  You can eat hot dogs and donuts at every meal, stay in your pj's until 7pm, and watch 5 hours of tv....

Then you realize, you can never die.

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