Friday, February 17, 2012

Maybe my new name should be Mabel....

I know that previously I mentioned I am a 58 year old man , but apparently I have transformed into a 90 year old woman.... at least while I'm watching tv.  I realized, while watching tv tonight, that I've developed some odd habits that only come out while I'm watching a show I have previously recorded.  How hard is it to watch tv?  Not that hard, one would think... unless you've spent so much time on the planet creating memories that you do not possibly have enough room left to simply remember where you have sat the remote from minute to minute.  Each time a commercial comes on, I reach for the remote to skip over it.  Everytime I reach for the remote, it's not there.  Then I have to hunt for it.  Sometimes I actually just give up and watch the commercials, or get distracted by something on my laptop and forget I have even turned the tv on.  If it's the latter of the two, then you can pretty much guarantee enough time will pass before I remember I was watching something that I then have to reach for the remote to rewind to where I left off.  Then we are back to searching for the remote again.  Then I swear at myself, ask the imaginary people in the room (or worse... my cats) "where is the damn remote!"  Like it's some conspiracy.  I also have started a running commentary on several of the shows I watch.  I offer opinions on how believable I feel the story is, how well the character development is, and what I think will happen next. 

Sometimes my husband watches tv with me, and he just lets me go.  I think it's just that he is simultaneously turning into a 90 year old man.  He probably doesn't hear me muttering to the television, and offering my notes for better editing.  Either that, or he's just frightened by my possession and thinks it's safer to just keep quiet.  However, judging by his new hobby of butting into phone conversations with a good:

"What are you saying?  Fuzzy turtles?"
"Who is that, is that your mother?"
"Are you telling her about the sale on organic bananas?"

I suspect he's just morphing into a senior citizen.  (Sorry to all the seniors out there who don't have the same problems that we have... I don't think all seniors handle remote controls and other people's phone conversations this way.  I just didn't expect this kind of behavior out of us for another, oh, let's say 40 years.  Apparently we're overachievers.)

Another solid example of his sudden advancement in age?  He asked me if I wanted to go out tomorrow for "supper" at 4:30.  Forget botox!  How do we erase the signs of aging on our behavior?  I mean, when I suggested we go out at a more normal dinner hour, say 6pm, he recoiled and explained "I don't think we want to be out at that place on a Saturday night like that."  I had to remind him that we were young once (like last week) and 6pm did not then, nor does it now, qualify as Saturday night!

What is happening here?  Well, I'm watching a show now, actually, so I need to search through these blankets to find the remote so I may rewind and see what I've missed.  Hopefully I won't doze off before the show is over.  If that happens, I'm signing up for AARP.


  1. LOL When we go out to dinner, we go as close to 5pm as possible. Any later than that, and there is a 30-45 minute wait for a table and we are old enough that patience doesn't exist when we are hungry. LOL

  2. When did this happen?! 30-45 mins to wait to get in somewhere used to be nothing 10ish years ago, girl. haha What is happening to us? Next thing you know, we'll be standing on the porch yelling at the youths to "Get off my lawn!"