Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Mr. & Mrs. Hardly Perfect

This vacation really has the potential to provide me with material for ages.  I saved this little nugget for it's own post, mostly because it didn't really add to the story I was telling yesterday, and it really stands on it's own.

I need to preface this post by explaining that my husband (of 7 years) and I handle stressful situations by turning on each other.  Yeah, we'll pretty much dig around in a magical bag full of topics to fight about until we find something to inspire a full on argument.  Almost all of the topics turn out to be completely ludicrous.  So, now you know.

As we were hopping in the car to begin our long journey north, the two kids strapped into their seats in the back with a DVD starting for their entertainment, my sister (who was kind enough to house sit for us) says "Now, no fighting.  You're on the same team!"  Yeah, she knows what's up.  After 11 years of the two of us together, our families can see it coming.  Hell, Mr. Magoo can see it coming, too. 

We were not even out of our own state when someone, we are not even sure which one of us it was, brought up open container laws.  I was saying it couldn't be a problem to carry an "open" bottle of wine in one's trunk as long as no one was drunk and driving.  Why would the cops search your car for it, anyways, if you weren't drunk.  Also, why are we getting pulled over?!  My husband had all these mysterious "friends" whom had gotten pulled over and completely searched when their stashes were found.  One was parked and drinking a beer outside of a restaurant with his takeout order and BAM!  Arrested!  I found this too far fetched to believe, and so we were starting to bicker.  Then we remembered my sister telling us not to fight, and started laughing over it being less than half an hour before starting the bickering. 

The worst part about that argument? We didn't have any alcohol with us!  We weren't the ones transporting any booze, or even with the intention to do so.  My husband doesn't even drink, ever.  I rarely drink.  This topic was such a non-issue for us, but we are so talented that we will find a way to argue about anything.  That's commitment!

For the record, we had one other half hearted spat, this time on the way home.  This time it was about some toll roads switching to all electronic billing.  I wanted to know how that would even be able to work out, and my husband insisted it already was in place within some states.  I argued that if everyone had to swipe a credit card, which is how he told me they do it, how could they force people to get credit cards.  What about 16 year olds who have no credit cards?  What about senior citizens who don't believe in credit cards?  How can you be forced to have one?  What if you don't know the "rules" and don't have a card, and pull up to an electronic booth?  What is going to happen to the toll booth employees?!?  Now, mind you, we rarely carry cash, and always have a few credit cards on hand.  Swiping a card would be easier for us.  Also, neither of us work at a toll booth.  So, again, this argument was over something that clearly did not apply to us. 

Is that what happens eventually?  You just get to the point where you argued about all the stuff that matters, and now you just start looking for ways to argue about random things that cross your mind?  Oy.  But, I suppose that is better than having REAL issues to argue about. 

And one more little gem from my husband. This is a conversation we had on day 2 of vacation:

Me: "Wow, Super Plus tampons.  I thought they only went up to Super.  That's amazing."
Husband: "Oh, there is actually a step above Super Plus, too.  It's really just a roll of paper towels and a hammer, but they call the hammer an "applicator."

Oh, love. 

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