This morning I awoke to my twitter feed filled with Alec Baldwin's tweets. So, as I thought to myself "Oh God, Alec is all OVER my twitter!" the sound of my own voice saying that in my mind sounded like angels from Heaven... it was golden. I couldn't keep that kind of funny to myself, so I tweeted "Wow, @alecbaldwin was all over my twitter last night. I wish that was code for something else, but it isn't." Of course, after I stopped giggling, I shared my funny with my husband, who (of course) rolled his eyes at me and shook his head. However, let the hate mail begin! I got everything from people reminding me I'm married (which apparently also means dead and unable to appreciate another human being's appeal without wanting to leave your husband), to people hating on Mr. Baldwin via tweets to me, and people telling me that was gross (AKA prudes who probably should avoid twitter altogether lest they be offended further...)
Just to clear up the whole "you're married!" outcry... of course I am! My husband knows all about my "extra husbands" and "Hollywood husbands". He is so not worried, nor should he be. It's all innocent fun. Plus, he likes the old "Oh, you want those $900 shoes... well, I think (insert any one of my Hollywood husbands names here) would love to buy them for you. Should I ring him up?" He also has "extra wives". Sometimes I assign them to him like "Oh, what about her... she's your type! She's totally your Hollywood wife!" I don't lose any sleep over any of this, and neither should anyone else. It's just silly.
The sad part about Alec being all over my twitter... I slept through it. That is SO not how that went in my fantasy. Damn.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Today it's 2 for the price of 1
I know, I just posted, but this little gem just came up. I just have to share my husband's charming and inspirational way with words (in case you all miss the whole dog butt conversation) with the world...
Me I'm so sick of these last stubborn pounds. I need to tweak my diet again to get things moving.
Him Now, remember, the more weight you lose the older you will look.
Me What are you saying? You think I look old?
Him No. I'm saying you'll look older if you lose any more weight. What was your lowest? You were too thin then. Remember that picture of you in the attic in a white shirt, and how young you looked. You looked good then.
Me Still sounds like you're telling me I look old now. I was heavier AND younger back then. So do I look bad and old now?
Him I'm stuck in a hole now, aren't I?
Me Yep. You wanna keep digging?
This conversation comes off of the other following romantic talk from my husband:
Me There was a nice man chatting me up at Mom's work today. He thought I was one of the therapists.
Him He can have ya!
Me Now, now, settle down! What would you do without me? If you didn't have me, who would spend your money? You'd have sad, lonely money locked away in some dark place collecting dust and looking pitiful, instead of being turned into beautiful things... shiny things... you know, what it dreams of being used for.
Him Exactly... hop in the car... I'll drive you back to him.
And this morning...
Me Hey, come here! Look how I reorganized my gift wrapping closet!
Him Can't you just describe it to me?
Me No, I can't describe such a vision, you need to see it with your eyeballs. Now, please come here. It'll be quick. It's awesome.
Our son Daddy, I think Mommy wants you to go look at what we did upstairs in the Hello Kitty room. It's amazing.
Me See! Even he thinks it's cool. Come look!
Son Daddy, Mommy says go look!
Him Ask Mommy if she can just take a picture on her phone and send it to me.
Me Really? You can't come humor me and look at the result of my hard work?
Him Just take a picture and show that to me.
Me Alright, fine. If that is how this works, the next time you want to see something in person I'll take a picture of it and send it to you instead with a little footnote referencing this conversation.
Son What is Mommy talking about?
Him She's crazy.
Son Yeah, I know.
Me I'm so sick of these last stubborn pounds. I need to tweak my diet again to get things moving.
Him Now, remember, the more weight you lose the older you will look.
Me What are you saying? You think I look old?
Him No. I'm saying you'll look older if you lose any more weight. What was your lowest? You were too thin then. Remember that picture of you in the attic in a white shirt, and how young you looked. You looked good then.
Me Still sounds like you're telling me I look old now. I was heavier AND younger back then. So do I look bad and old now?
Him I'm stuck in a hole now, aren't I?
Me Yep. You wanna keep digging?
This conversation comes off of the other following romantic talk from my husband:
Me There was a nice man chatting me up at Mom's work today. He thought I was one of the therapists.
Him He can have ya!
Me Now, now, settle down! What would you do without me? If you didn't have me, who would spend your money? You'd have sad, lonely money locked away in some dark place collecting dust and looking pitiful, instead of being turned into beautiful things... shiny things... you know, what it dreams of being used for.
Him Exactly... hop in the car... I'll drive you back to him.
And this morning...
Me Hey, come here! Look how I reorganized my gift wrapping closet!
Him Can't you just describe it to me?
Me No, I can't describe such a vision, you need to see it with your eyeballs. Now, please come here. It'll be quick. It's awesome.
Our son Daddy, I think Mommy wants you to go look at what we did upstairs in the Hello Kitty room. It's amazing.
Me See! Even he thinks it's cool. Come look!
Son Daddy, Mommy says go look!
Him Ask Mommy if she can just take a picture on her phone and send it to me.
Me Really? You can't come humor me and look at the result of my hard work?
Him Just take a picture and show that to me.
Me Alright, fine. If that is how this works, the next time you want to see something in person I'll take a picture of it and send it to you instead with a little footnote referencing this conversation.
Son What is Mommy talking about?
Him She's crazy.
Son Yeah, I know.
When packing up your car to return home, you may want to include the baby before you leave...
This weekend was my littlest cousin's 6th birthday. His party was today, and I was responsible for making his cake. He requested a cake representing 2 different football teams, and so I made a fun mash-up cake. Of course, the tricky part was keeping my 3 boys (yes, the tall one too!) off of the cake before we got there. Aside from turning a curve to find a stopped car in the middle of the road and having to slam on the brakes and just barely missing hitting it and getting that colorful cake in my face... we got the cake there in one piece.
At the party, my youngest son started out quiet and bashful, but soon was running around shouting his gibberish. He was making his rounds with our family members, and everyone was getting their baby snuggles in. My Aunt was holding the baby, while we started to pack up our car. So we loaded up, and my husband started to get into the car when my sister asked where the baby was. We noticed he wasn't in the car. Whooooopsie! haha I thought my husband had gotten him from my Aunt, and he thought I had. Of course, we could hear the howling laughter from inside... all the way out in our car.
In our defense, they did not cover this in the parenting class we attended this week, so we cannot be held accountable. What kind of parenting class WAS it, anyway, if it did not cover emergency first aid OR remembering to take your children home with you... both things we could have used this week. Really our first son is damn lucky he has made it to 4 years old with this kind of lack of information out there. I blame the system.
And, in super happy and long overdue news.... the boys are healthy! Let's hope we are going to start a trend now of no illness. :) It's so nice to see them feeling so well. My oldest kiddo's new teacher starts tomorrow, too... so fresh starts all around. Just in time for Halloween... one of the best days for a kid (and grown ups alike... thinking of handing out spiked warm cider to our friends taking their kids around for trick-or-treat to take the chill off :) ).
At the party, my youngest son started out quiet and bashful, but soon was running around shouting his gibberish. He was making his rounds with our family members, and everyone was getting their baby snuggles in. My Aunt was holding the baby, while we started to pack up our car. So we loaded up, and my husband started to get into the car when my sister asked where the baby was. We noticed he wasn't in the car. Whooooopsie! haha I thought my husband had gotten him from my Aunt, and he thought I had. Of course, we could hear the howling laughter from inside... all the way out in our car.
In our defense, they did not cover this in the parenting class we attended this week, so we cannot be held accountable. What kind of parenting class WAS it, anyway, if it did not cover emergency first aid OR remembering to take your children home with you... both things we could have used this week. Really our first son is damn lucky he has made it to 4 years old with this kind of lack of information out there. I blame the system.
And, in super happy and long overdue news.... the boys are healthy! Let's hope we are going to start a trend now of no illness. :) It's so nice to see them feeling so well. My oldest kiddo's new teacher starts tomorrow, too... so fresh starts all around. Just in time for Halloween... one of the best days for a kid (and grown ups alike... thinking of handing out spiked warm cider to our friends taking their kids around for trick-or-treat to take the chill off :) ).
Friday, October 21, 2011
My husband tries his hand at writing my blog post....
My husband called me on the way home from work today...
Him Honey, I know what you can write your blog on tonight.
Me Ooooookay. What?
Him I just saw a bumper sticker.
Me Okay... so I'll write about you seeing a bumper sticker?
Him Well it said "I kiss my dog on the lips." It might as well say "I like the taste of dog butt."
Me Okay, yeah that is gross. There is only one degree of separation between you and your dogs ass if you're kissing his mouth... but I need a little something more to go on. My blog posts tend to be a little longer than that.
Him Well you see, dogs lick their butt a lot, and all day long. So it's like kissing their butt.
Me Yeah, I get that. Super gross. So I should write an entire blog post about that? What else is there to say?
Him Well, see, it's like they are kissing...
Me Yes, we've been over that... but now I'm wondering if you see why I write the fun blog and You write the boring techie blog...
Him They are kissing their dog's butt!
Me Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! I cannot write about THAT! But I can write about you wanting to write about it, because now you're just cuckoo.
Him It's gross.
Me Yes, dear. Good talk. Good talk. Oh, look, the kids are trying to kill each other. Gotta run!
I think I will not be outsourcing my blog topics to him anytime soon. You're welcome.
Him Honey, I know what you can write your blog on tonight.
Me Ooooookay. What?
Him I just saw a bumper sticker.
Me Okay... so I'll write about you seeing a bumper sticker?
Him Well it said "I kiss my dog on the lips." It might as well say "I like the taste of dog butt."
Me Okay, yeah that is gross. There is only one degree of separation between you and your dogs ass if you're kissing his mouth... but I need a little something more to go on. My blog posts tend to be a little longer than that.
Him Well you see, dogs lick their butt a lot, and all day long. So it's like kissing their butt.
Me Yeah, I get that. Super gross. So I should write an entire blog post about that? What else is there to say?
Him Well, see, it's like they are kissing...
Me Yes, we've been over that... but now I'm wondering if you see why I write the fun blog and You write the boring techie blog...
Him They are kissing their dog's butt!
Me Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! I cannot write about THAT! But I can write about you wanting to write about it, because now you're just cuckoo.
Him It's gross.
Me Yes, dear. Good talk. Good talk. Oh, look, the kids are trying to kill each other. Gotta run!
I think I will not be outsourcing my blog topics to him anytime soon. You're welcome.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
A (not so) funny thing happend on the way to parenting class...
Tonight, my son's school was holding a parent education night, and the speaker was actually giving a lecture on parenting. (Sometimes these educations nights are more "see what your kid is doing in class, but tonight was actually parent education...) Life has a funny way of taking something you think is super important and can make or break you, and showing you what actually is important. I was so excited over the class and already thinking about how this guy would make a great parent out of me... when life decided to remind me what the number one job of a parent is...
#1 Responsibility of a Parent.... Keep your child alive
After all, alive kids are the happiest kind of kids. So, if you keep your kids alive that has to be at least half of the battle.
I ordered pizza tonight to get everyone fed, including my sister who was coming to watch the kids, before we had to rush out the door to our parenting class. (Also, it did occur to me that maybe I wanted to learn how to be a parent before creating 2 miniature people of my own). I gave the baby some ravioli, which he promptly ate before I even took a bite of my own food (baby crack, I swear). So, I broke up a slice of cheese to hold him while I warmed up some veggies for him. While I was cooking his veggies my sister said "Um, is he choking?!", and I turned and looked. What I saw was so confusing because babies do not grab their neck with the "universal choking sign". She said she saw him jerk his chin twice, and when I looked he was rolling his head and eyes funny, so I rushed over to him and already started ripping his highchair straps off of him when he turned purple and collapsed over on himself. Then he let out the worst cry ever, so we had hope the food came loose, but then it was stuck again and he wasn't breathing or able to cry again. I had him out of that chair so fast and had flipped him over on my arm, head down at an angle, and started the back thrusts you do for a choking infant. He'd get bursts of air and cry and then nothing, and finally, they said he was spitting stuff on the floor, and I turned his head and saw the food. He had shoved a ton of cheese pieces in his mouth and they formed a wedge together that blocked his airway. I swiped that out, and another piece, and he was crying, a little weak at first, but then very loud (and also frightening). That was one of the worst moments of my life, and I never care to experience anything like that again. BUT I did my #1 parent job, and thanks to my sister doing her #1 Aunt job, it was just in time before anything terrible happened.
That made me think, I think they should have a first aid for parents of young children course. Perhaps that should come before "how to properly reward and punish your kid" because if something tragic happens to your kid, and you don't know how to help them, you may not have a kid to punish or reward. If I didn't know what to do, it's very possible we would've had to call 911 and by the time the ambulance got to us it would be way too late. Trust me, as a nurse, I've heard these stories. They never end well.
So, sorry this isn't a funny post. I tried to lighten it somewhat because that is how I deal with stress, sadness, and fear. But, really this is an important reminder to be alert, and get some information on what to do in these situations. These things happen in literally the blink of an eye, and choking, is silent. A baby doesn't know to wave their arms at your, grab their throat, or get your attention. You turn away for a moment to refill a drink, think they are happily eating their beloved cheese, and turn back to see something out of the "parents' worst nightmares" book. Know what to do if you find yourself if one of those nightmares.
Now, hug your kiddos close, and the next time they are getting on your nerves or are misbehaving... just be glad they are there, safe and sound.
#1 Responsibility of a Parent.... Keep your child alive
After all, alive kids are the happiest kind of kids. So, if you keep your kids alive that has to be at least half of the battle.
I ordered pizza tonight to get everyone fed, including my sister who was coming to watch the kids, before we had to rush out the door to our parenting class. (Also, it did occur to me that maybe I wanted to learn how to be a parent before creating 2 miniature people of my own). I gave the baby some ravioli, which he promptly ate before I even took a bite of my own food (baby crack, I swear). So, I broke up a slice of cheese to hold him while I warmed up some veggies for him. While I was cooking his veggies my sister said "Um, is he choking?!", and I turned and looked. What I saw was so confusing because babies do not grab their neck with the "universal choking sign". She said she saw him jerk his chin twice, and when I looked he was rolling his head and eyes funny, so I rushed over to him and already started ripping his highchair straps off of him when he turned purple and collapsed over on himself. Then he let out the worst cry ever, so we had hope the food came loose, but then it was stuck again and he wasn't breathing or able to cry again. I had him out of that chair so fast and had flipped him over on my arm, head down at an angle, and started the back thrusts you do for a choking infant. He'd get bursts of air and cry and then nothing, and finally, they said he was spitting stuff on the floor, and I turned his head and saw the food. He had shoved a ton of cheese pieces in his mouth and they formed a wedge together that blocked his airway. I swiped that out, and another piece, and he was crying, a little weak at first, but then very loud (and also frightening). That was one of the worst moments of my life, and I never care to experience anything like that again. BUT I did my #1 parent job, and thanks to my sister doing her #1 Aunt job, it was just in time before anything terrible happened.
That made me think, I think they should have a first aid for parents of young children course. Perhaps that should come before "how to properly reward and punish your kid" because if something tragic happens to your kid, and you don't know how to help them, you may not have a kid to punish or reward. If I didn't know what to do, it's very possible we would've had to call 911 and by the time the ambulance got to us it would be way too late. Trust me, as a nurse, I've heard these stories. They never end well.
So, sorry this isn't a funny post. I tried to lighten it somewhat because that is how I deal with stress, sadness, and fear. But, really this is an important reminder to be alert, and get some information on what to do in these situations. These things happen in literally the blink of an eye, and choking, is silent. A baby doesn't know to wave their arms at your, grab their throat, or get your attention. You turn away for a moment to refill a drink, think they are happily eating their beloved cheese, and turn back to see something out of the "parents' worst nightmares" book. Know what to do if you find yourself if one of those nightmares.
Now, hug your kiddos close, and the next time they are getting on your nerves or are misbehaving... just be glad they are there, safe and sound.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
My TwitFace Pages
Just a quick FYI, Hippiechicmomma is on Twitter and Facebook, mostly just to notify readers of new blog entries. If you're interested....
http://www.facebook.com/pages/HippieChic-Momma/190522027626871
and
on Twitter the blog is under @HippieChicMomma
Some of you have asked about sharing this blog with your friends, and those are both good options for other folks to see what's happening on the blog. :) Thanks for reading!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/HippieChic-Momma/190522027626871
and
on Twitter the blog is under @HippieChicMomma
Some of you have asked about sharing this blog with your friends, and those are both good options for other folks to see what's happening on the blog. :) Thanks for reading!
Dear Target, It's not you, it's me. Well, it's also you.
Dear Target,
I think we need to talk. I first would like to point out that I do, in fact, love you. There is no question about that, but I do believe our relationship is becoming unhealthy. From the start, there was always that piece of me that knew you probably weren’t good for me, but you are so charming with your cheerful colors and fun advertising. The things you have to offer me are so shiny and pretty, and that distracts me from my goals and objectives every time I come to visit you. That’s another thing… I’m always coming to see you. You never just surprise me, and if I want to see anything from you come directly to my front door, I have to pay for it. It’s like a punishment for asking you to come to me for once! That leads me to my next point… I’m always paying on our dates, and you’re always sticking me with a larger bill than I intended for these dates. I have realized my friend was right, I’m broke because of you. I go in for tissues, and come out with a $100 hit on my debit card. I think we need to stop seeing each other. The problem is, I try to quit you, but you won’t quit me. Every time I start to move on and get over you, you start sending coupons in the mail. You show up on my tv and in my Google searches, reminding me of your better qualities, how convenient you are, and all the unique things you have to offer. Quite frankly, it’s a little too close to stalking me. Even when I come see you, you print out coupons for products you know that I use. Knowing the brand of toilet paper I keep stocked in my home is just a little too close for comfort. Also, don’t think I don’t notice you are seeing other people. I see you seducing them into cute throw pillows, stylish organization methods, and designer paper plates. I guess no one is immune to your charms, but you don’t have to rub it in my face like that.
So, I think you can probably see why I think we should cool off a bit. I know the holiday season is approaching, and our history shows that’s when I need you the most. If we take some time apart now, perhaps my visits during the holidays will be more reasonable. Maybe you can work at appreciating me for my mind and not just my wallet, and I can perhaps leave our visits feeling less used. I hope we can stay friends, and still be there for each other, just in a new, less bank account-draining way. You work on not flaunting your deals on super cute household goods, and I’ll work on some restraint.
I think we need to talk. I first would like to point out that I do, in fact, love you. There is no question about that, but I do believe our relationship is becoming unhealthy. From the start, there was always that piece of me that knew you probably weren’t good for me, but you are so charming with your cheerful colors and fun advertising. The things you have to offer me are so shiny and pretty, and that distracts me from my goals and objectives every time I come to visit you. That’s another thing… I’m always coming to see you. You never just surprise me, and if I want to see anything from you come directly to my front door, I have to pay for it. It’s like a punishment for asking you to come to me for once! That leads me to my next point… I’m always paying on our dates, and you’re always sticking me with a larger bill than I intended for these dates. I have realized my friend was right, I’m broke because of you. I go in for tissues, and come out with a $100 hit on my debit card. I think we need to stop seeing each other. The problem is, I try to quit you, but you won’t quit me. Every time I start to move on and get over you, you start sending coupons in the mail. You show up on my tv and in my Google searches, reminding me of your better qualities, how convenient you are, and all the unique things you have to offer. Quite frankly, it’s a little too close to stalking me. Even when I come see you, you print out coupons for products you know that I use. Knowing the brand of toilet paper I keep stocked in my home is just a little too close for comfort. Also, don’t think I don’t notice you are seeing other people. I see you seducing them into cute throw pillows, stylish organization methods, and designer paper plates. I guess no one is immune to your charms, but you don’t have to rub it in my face like that.
So, I think you can probably see why I think we should cool off a bit. I know the holiday season is approaching, and our history shows that’s when I need you the most. If we take some time apart now, perhaps my visits during the holidays will be more reasonable. Maybe you can work at appreciating me for my mind and not just my wallet, and I can perhaps leave our visits feeling less used. I hope we can stay friends, and still be there for each other, just in a new, less bank account-draining way. You work on not flaunting your deals on super cute household goods, and I’ll work on some restraint.
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