Saturday, November 2, 2013

Public Enemy Number 1

If you have been following this blog at all, then you know I'm not really "allowed" out in public alone (according to my husband).  He probably would prefer it if I stayed home altogether, and spared the general public any type of interaction with me and my crazy ideas.  Alas, I make my escape and subject innocent passer-bys to my every whim.  (Well, not every, as I do manage to hold onto a shred of self control.)

I don't see it as such a problem.  I'm really just doing the world a favor.  I'm like a superhero, or a saint of sorts.  I'm saving people from excitement-free, boring days.  And I do it for free.  Here's what I've been up to this week...

I really enjoy volunteering for my son's school.  I run 2 LEGO teams, I help out with office work, and I'm going to be a story teller... and I spare them all my brand of "fun".  They recently asked for volunteers to teach interest learning classes, and that's where I figured I probably should draw the line.  If you look back over past posts, you will see what my interests are, and they are probably best not shared with kids.  However, I could teach some Mommy Interest Learning classes.... "Johnny Depp 101", "Mommy Martinis: Not Just For Breakfast Anymore", "Shopping with Animals Kids", the possibilities are endless.

Halloween was earlier this week, and, in the spirit of the day, I dressed up.  (Yes, perhaps it was mostly just dressing up as myself, but the hat was probably teenier than expected). 

Am I a good witch, or a bad witch?

I went out to Starbucks, with some other mommies from my son's school, dressed up in this little get-up.  The employees were dressed up as well, but most of the customers were not.  A man came in wearing his service uniform, and I, forgetting for a moment how I was dressed, paid for his coffee.  It was AFTER I paid when he struck up a little conversation...

Soldier Oh, thank you, but this is just a Halloween costume.

Me Oh that's a dirty trick.  I didn't even think of that.  See, this is MY uniform.

Soldier I'm just kidding.  *wink*

Me I'm not! *wink*

* For the record, it was obviously not a costume, as the man took his hat off when he entered the building.  That is not something I'd expect from someone dressed up in a costume.  ;)  It was fun, however, that he is also a super hero with the power of warding off boring days with a good sense of humor.

** Interesting side note, on the drive home I discovered that a tiny witches hat cancels out the middle finger. 


Today we ventured out to the grocery store.  It is nearly an hour away from our home (as we prefer this one to ANY of the ones in our actual town), so I suppose the people there were unaware that being rude only encourages me.  (Probably all the folks here have found that out, at least any of them that would be rude to strangers, anyway.)  We were standing in the frozen food section, trying to find the shoestring french fries, when my oldest opens the freezer, peeks in, closes the door and we hear the most annoyed, and meanest "Excuse me!" as this woman angrily pushes past my toddler, huffily pulls her shirt down over her hand before she grabs and flings open the freezer door, then proceeds to just stare in there, looking for what she wants.  Now, we had not been holding her up, she had just come up behind us, then acted as if we were blocking her and proceeded to block us while also looking for frozen potato products, just as we were.  Oh, and in case you missed it, she protected herself from my oldest's "cooties" in the process.  The kids were not misbehaving, being loud, being spazzy, or snotting all over the place OR licking the freezer door handle.  There was nothing to set her off, except her own attitude problem.  So, naturally my "Oh PLEASE, by all MEANS, I wouldn't want to stand in your way.  Move, darlings, she needs to get to the *AAAAHHHHCHOOOOOO! (Yes, a fake sneeze on the back of her head)*  tater tots!  *loud sucking snot back through my nose sound*  Uh, I really need to get this checked."  And as she backed away, and I could tell she was no longer interested in those delicious tots, I told the kids "Okay, children, we may resume our grocery shopping!"  As she turned to glare at me, and the enormous mega-watt grin spread over my face, and I beauty-queen waved goodbye, my husband looked at me like "What just happened?"  All I could say to him was "Those must've been some important f&%kin' fries."  And he shook his head as the kids triumphantly held up their chosen potato products & tossed them in the cart.  My guess is that woman kept her bad attitude to herself the rest of the day, not wanting to interact with any more of us "crazies".  You're welcome, to all of those she probably would've been rude to, if I hadn't scared that outta her.  If my kids had been being wild, or we had been standing shoulder to shoulder for more than 5 whole seconds, actually blocking the food, just chit chatting, perhaps some annoyance would have been called for, but none of that was going on.  If grocery shopping makes you that angry, try Pea Pod.  For real.  Save us from your scowling face.

On a kind of unrelated note, I had planned to make this blog post another "fashion" post.  My friend, Amy, did her fashion blog entry of the week about mixing prints.  Something I had suggested to her as a challenge (just because I had the inside info that mixing prints is something she's a smidge wary over... which is surprising.  I mean she is friends with me, so you'd think nothing would be intimidating.  We know I'm not for the faint of heart.)  ;)  Anyway, I thought I'd throw in my two cents out of solidarity, and had my husband photograph me with my mixed-print shout out to Amy.  I happened to notice the expression on my face is eerily similar to the one of me in the witch get-up.  So, perhaps if you see me in public, and my face looks like this, run!  Save yourselves.  (And most certainly, don't be rude!)

The wind was blowing whisps of hair into my face, and the camera captured the moment & my reaction.
I'll end with my own personal rules about mixing prints.  There is really only 1....

1. Everybody be cool!

Play it cool & pull it off. If you are unsure of what you are putting together, or feel weird about how it looks, do not wear it.  People will smell your fear.  haha  If you put something on (in my case here it is a flower and polka dot print *yes, print mixing all in one shirt!* paired with the skull scarf), and you love it, it works.  If you are confident, you can pull it off.  Even if someone else is unsure, they may start to doubt themselves when they see you rocking it like you have never been more sure that two things went together than you are at that very moment.  Even someone wearing a basic solid shirt and jeans can look ridiculous if their expression is uneasy, and their body language says they are uncomfortable... or if they are shouting at strangers in a grocery store and physically pushing past the cutest toddler on earth.  At that point, it doesn't matter what you wear, you are not pulling it off.  So, everybody be cool!

And, no, this did not end up really being a fashion post, thanks to that picture giving me a completely different idea.  :)  Maybe next time.

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