Tonight was trick-or-treat! It might sound redundant to say that, considering it is Halloween... however, I came from a town that celebrated trick-or-treat on some random night that was never really Halloween, so I felt I should mention the normally obvious. Anywho... my oldest son wanted my husband and I to dress up to go trick-or-treating with the boys. At first I was quick to jump at the chance to be Kate Middleton, and wear my gorgeous tiara from my wedding. I suggested to my husband he wear a garbage bag stuffed with newspaper and go as "white trash", but he thought that was not cool around the kids. (Weenie) Then it hit me... with very few clothing pieces I could quickly purchase we could go as Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler and Dr. Sheldon Cooper, AKA ShAmy from "The Big Bang Theory". I only had to buy 3 things to pull it off. I'm not sure what that says about our wardrobe, though. All I know is, I now understand why Amy has such a boxy frame... it's her penchant for wearing way too many layers of clothing! I had 4 shirts on to pull off her look. By the end I had nearly no shape, and the ruffles from the one blouse did not so much seem feminine as give me more of a manish look as they poofed out my sweater that was over them (and a cardigan over that!). I had a tank under all of it, because I always have one on. (OCD much?). Either way, it was perfect. I also just wore my glasses, straightened my hair, put a barrette in, wore a plain black skirt, nude panty hose, and black flats. Voila! My husband wore jeans, converse sneakers, a striped long sleeve shirt with a Green Lantern t-shirt over that. I combed and gel'd his hair in place and suddenly ShAmy was born. haha It was fun, especially the part where people weren't sure we were in costume, and gave us looks like we were weirdos.
My oldest son went as a robot, as I mentioned in a previous post. It was a HUGE success. Everyone was saying how awesome it was. They loved the sounds, the lights, and his robot acting skills. :) There were several people who said it was the best costume of the night. Who needed that blue ribbon?! haha That's all a Momma needs is a happy kid who feels like the belle of the ball (or whatever the dude equivalent of that would be) to inspire here to keep making these kinds of costumes. Everyone loved the baby in his little duckie costume, but he got cold and cranky after a little while. I brought him home, and then I got right down to business handing out spiked hot apple cider to our (adult) neighbors. Hey, it was the only Halloween I have ever known to have snow on the ground... we needed something to keep us warm. Plus, when do the parents get their treat? I know, you're all saying "When the kids go to bed and we raid their candy stash." But who wants to wait?!
We had great decorations inside and out, fun jack-o-lanterns (my Hello Kitty Jack-o-Lantern turned lots of heads, and even had her picture taken by adoring fans), a strobe light, painted pumpkins, mums, candles, pumpkin lights and a light up spider web and spider. We were ready to go! I made homemade chicken and waffles to fortify the troops before we set out (and before my Mom and Sis got ready to hand out candy to the masses for us so we could go out with the boys), mini apple pies, and, of course, the warm cider with some "Halloween spirits". It was a fun night. I think we all enjoyed ourselves, and it was great to spend it with my family and our great neighbors. This is why Halloween is one of my favorite days of the year.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
You need a nice soft sheet to lay your ear on... if you're lucky enough to sleep.
Busy weekend, per usual... so I'll wrap it up with a few conversations that contain important information to know or at least consider as you're moving through life....
My husband and I were watching a show with an actress we like, and she happens to have a wonky ear. I also have a wonky ear, so now that you're all caught up....
Husband I don't know if I like that haircut on her. It really shows off her wonky ear. It's like a dumbo ear, but she only has one so it would be like "Dumbo the 'I can only fly to the left' flying elephant."
Me HEY! I have a wonky ear! Are you saying there is something wrong with a wonky ear?
Him No! Your wonky ear is cute. She's a beautiful girl! I'm just saying, that haircut is not flattering because it makes that stand out so much. It's distracting.
Me Well, it's been proven that people with wonky ears are more smart and are generally the best people out there.
Him Sounds like someone with a wonky ear made that up. *gives me a wonky eye stare*
Me Of course they did! Because they are smart! Duh. Didn't you hear what I said about the wonky ear'd folks being the smartest, so they would know this! Maybe she just wants to flaunt it! If you've got it, flaunt it!
Him You're on like some wonky-ear crusade here.
Me I'm just trying to bring attention to the cause, empower my people.
Him You could use a hobby, I think.
After our show, we got to talking about a project we are about to undertake that involves using a green screen. For this project, we simply need a blue or a green sheet...
Me Oh, we need to get on that photo project! I need to find a blue or green sheet.
Him Maybe you can find one at Ollies or somewhere cheap.
Me There is no need to go to extremes here, I can just go get a cheap set from Target. They have all sorts of colors for pretty reasonable prices. It doesn't have to be the fancy sheets, just their cheapest set.
Him Like, what thread count?
Me There is no thread count. When you're looking for the cheapest sheet you can find, they don't bother to mention the thread count. It might say something like "It's a little better than newspaper... just sleep on it!" or "Need to cover that dead body? Eh, this'll do if you ain't got nothin' better."
Him Or it just says "Has threads? Yes, we used one."
Me Oh it's like one of those cheeseburger cats... "I'm in your sheetz, stealin' your threadz." Although, our cats wouldn't sleep on that. They are 375 or better, type of cats.
And last, but never least, I got to reminisce with my sister, on facebook, about the time when she cut her hair and tried to cover up the crime the day before her pre-school pictures....
Her (This picture was taken) the day after I chopped off my hair (on one side), and mom had to cleverly tuck it behind my shoulder for the picture.
Me I remember that day oh so clearly. You tried to blame all the hair on the chair on the cats. haha
Her hehe
Me So clever... if our cats were blondes...
Her And persian...
Me And able to cut their own hair.
Ah memories! Especially memories where my little sister is the one getting in trouble instead of me, for once!
My husband and I were watching a show with an actress we like, and she happens to have a wonky ear. I also have a wonky ear, so now that you're all caught up....
Husband I don't know if I like that haircut on her. It really shows off her wonky ear. It's like a dumbo ear, but she only has one so it would be like "Dumbo the 'I can only fly to the left' flying elephant."
Me HEY! I have a wonky ear! Are you saying there is something wrong with a wonky ear?
Him No! Your wonky ear is cute. She's a beautiful girl! I'm just saying, that haircut is not flattering because it makes that stand out so much. It's distracting.
Me Well, it's been proven that people with wonky ears are more smart and are generally the best people out there.
Him Sounds like someone with a wonky ear made that up. *gives me a wonky eye stare*
Me Of course they did! Because they are smart! Duh. Didn't you hear what I said about the wonky ear'd folks being the smartest, so they would know this! Maybe she just wants to flaunt it! If you've got it, flaunt it!
Him You're on like some wonky-ear crusade here.
Me I'm just trying to bring attention to the cause, empower my people.
Him You could use a hobby, I think.
After our show, we got to talking about a project we are about to undertake that involves using a green screen. For this project, we simply need a blue or a green sheet...
Me Oh, we need to get on that photo project! I need to find a blue or green sheet.
Him Maybe you can find one at Ollies or somewhere cheap.
Me There is no need to go to extremes here, I can just go get a cheap set from Target. They have all sorts of colors for pretty reasonable prices. It doesn't have to be the fancy sheets, just their cheapest set.
Him Like, what thread count?
Me There is no thread count. When you're looking for the cheapest sheet you can find, they don't bother to mention the thread count. It might say something like "It's a little better than newspaper... just sleep on it!" or "Need to cover that dead body? Eh, this'll do if you ain't got nothin' better."
Him Or it just says "Has threads? Yes, we used one."
Me Oh it's like one of those cheeseburger cats... "I'm in your sheetz, stealin' your threadz." Although, our cats wouldn't sleep on that. They are 375 or better, type of cats.
And last, but never least, I got to reminisce with my sister, on facebook, about the time when she cut her hair and tried to cover up the crime the day before her pre-school pictures....
Her (This picture was taken) the day after I chopped off my hair (on one side), and mom had to cleverly tuck it behind my shoulder for the picture.
Me I remember that day oh so clearly. You tried to blame all the hair on the chair on the cats. haha
Her hehe
Me So clever... if our cats were blondes...
Her And persian...
Me And able to cut their own hair.
Ah memories! Especially memories where my little sister is the one getting in trouble instead of me, for once!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Is Halloween snow considered a trick or a treat?
We are expected to get our first snowstorm of the season tomorrow! Just one thing... it's not snow season, yet! It's not even quite Halloween. (I'll take this moment to point all climate-change deniers to exhibit A...) I had the unfortunate coincidence of my usual grocery shopping trip falling on the day before the snowstorm. I had to really gear myself up to go out amidst the crazies, stocking up on milk and bread like they won't see the light of day for the next 2 weeks. Forget that we are expecting temps to rise after tomorrow... it's the apocalypse! It's not even like we live somewhere that doesn't get snow. We are used to this, yet the panic always hits. There have been actual fist fights over TP in this town on the eve before past snows. I wish I was exaggerating.
The snow before trick-or-treat is strange enough, but for me and my family it had another strange twist to it. My grandfather turned 80 back in August... yeah when we had that freak earthquake. I joked with him that his birthday shook the entire East coast. We had planned a nice family dinner as a surprise for him, but that's when natural disaster #2 struck within the same week! The hurricane hit. Not wanting to risk injury in the heavy rains or dealing with power outages, we rescheduled. It's hard to get the entire family together, so the party was put off until tomorrow... when we are to have another freak act of nature that has the potential to mess up our plans again. I still stand by the explanation that my very own Pop-Pop is quite simply a force of nature. We shall see what happens... oh, and my Uncle, one of my Pop's 3 children who are taking care of this dinner, went in for emergency surgery today. You can't make this up. I only hope that if the snow mucks things up, we can tell my grandfather about the party so he doesn't think his 80th passed without proper celebration. At this point, we are probably all "off the Christmas list!", as he would say.
I guess this snow will also cancel the outdoor Halloween party and costume contest tomorrow. I busted my ass on my kid's costume this year. He is a robot, with all the bells and whistles (lights and robot sounds), and I wanted to enter him in the contest. So, if you see a crazy woman with her robot child knocking on people's doors, asking them to please judge the costume... it's just me, looking for a high five for my hard work. There were tons of costume contests when I was a kid, but now that I slave for hours over costume creations, there are none to be found. At least I always win the contest when it comes to my kid and what he thinks about the costume! That is the most important, after all. (Awe, yeah, mush mush... But seriously, where's my blue ribbon!?)
The snow before trick-or-treat is strange enough, but for me and my family it had another strange twist to it. My grandfather turned 80 back in August... yeah when we had that freak earthquake. I joked with him that his birthday shook the entire East coast. We had planned a nice family dinner as a surprise for him, but that's when natural disaster #2 struck within the same week! The hurricane hit. Not wanting to risk injury in the heavy rains or dealing with power outages, we rescheduled. It's hard to get the entire family together, so the party was put off until tomorrow... when we are to have another freak act of nature that has the potential to mess up our plans again. I still stand by the explanation that my very own Pop-Pop is quite simply a force of nature. We shall see what happens... oh, and my Uncle, one of my Pop's 3 children who are taking care of this dinner, went in for emergency surgery today. You can't make this up. I only hope that if the snow mucks things up, we can tell my grandfather about the party so he doesn't think his 80th passed without proper celebration. At this point, we are probably all "off the Christmas list!", as he would say.
I guess this snow will also cancel the outdoor Halloween party and costume contest tomorrow. I busted my ass on my kid's costume this year. He is a robot, with all the bells and whistles (lights and robot sounds), and I wanted to enter him in the contest. So, if you see a crazy woman with her robot child knocking on people's doors, asking them to please judge the costume... it's just me, looking for a high five for my hard work. There were tons of costume contests when I was a kid, but now that I slave for hours over costume creations, there are none to be found. At least I always win the contest when it comes to my kid and what he thinks about the costume! That is the most important, after all. (Awe, yeah, mush mush... But seriously, where's my blue ribbon!?)
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Exactly like "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", just without Charlie Brown... or the pumpkin
I'm wild about pumpkins, at least as much as any other suburban housewife who loves to put pretty shit on her porch. The kind of shit that says "Look how homey my home is! (In case you didn't notice people living inside)" and "Don't step on my gourdes or I'll stick ya!" I mean, "Welcome, friends." I used to have an adorable little scarecrow, but after years of sun exposure, it was looking more "haunted house" and less cute autumn decoration. This year, I filled in my empty scarecrow space with a larger bale of hay, mums, and more pumpkins of assorted sizes. We made a big deal out of going to the pumpkin patch to pick small pumpkins to paint. We chose 2 larger pumpkins for carving (which we haven't done yet so they don't rot before trick-or-treat). We had a great little set up out there, until tragedy struck...
Something is eating our pumpkins. It almost looks like a little pumpkin horror movie set on my front porch, which is not quite the message I was looking to send. There are pumpkin guts everywhere. The baby's little painted pumpkin is completely gone, another small pumpkin has been completely torn in half and it's guts strewn all over the other pumpkins and the hay, and both of the huge pumpkins have bites out of them, as well as the 2 other painted pumpkins. It's kind of a pain in the butt that I have to go buy 2 new big pumpkins to carve, but the worst part is having to clean up the sticky seeds and innards of our casualties. Perhaps I'll just leave it like that, and give one of the big pumpkins the pumpkin carving knife for trick-or-treat, and stage it more like a Pumpkin murder scene. Everyone loves a little gourd on gourd crime for Halloween.
This puts a serious kink in my plan to carve a Hello Kitty pumpkin. I just don't think she's capable of that kind of violence. I'll have to switch to Bert from Sesame Street... after all those years of living with Ernie, I'm sure he's ready to cut a bitch.
Update...
Told my husband I wanted to put poison on the pumpkins so the animals (whom we assumed were the foxes that we see out and about) would not want to eat them. He pointed out that they would still eat them, and then we'd have a dead fox problem. I don't really want to kill them...just turn them off from my porch. Maybe I could put a TV out there playing old Glenn Beck episodes from Fox News.
Something is eating our pumpkins. It almost looks like a little pumpkin horror movie set on my front porch, which is not quite the message I was looking to send. There are pumpkin guts everywhere. The baby's little painted pumpkin is completely gone, another small pumpkin has been completely torn in half and it's guts strewn all over the other pumpkins and the hay, and both of the huge pumpkins have bites out of them, as well as the 2 other painted pumpkins. It's kind of a pain in the butt that I have to go buy 2 new big pumpkins to carve, but the worst part is having to clean up the sticky seeds and innards of our casualties. Perhaps I'll just leave it like that, and give one of the big pumpkins the pumpkin carving knife for trick-or-treat, and stage it more like a Pumpkin murder scene. Everyone loves a little gourd on gourd crime for Halloween.
This puts a serious kink in my plan to carve a Hello Kitty pumpkin. I just don't think she's capable of that kind of violence. I'll have to switch to Bert from Sesame Street... after all those years of living with Ernie, I'm sure he's ready to cut a bitch.
Update...
Told my husband I wanted to put poison on the pumpkins so the animals (whom we assumed were the foxes that we see out and about) would not want to eat them. He pointed out that they would still eat them, and then we'd have a dead fox problem. I don't really want to kill them...just turn them off from my porch. Maybe I could put a TV out there playing old Glenn Beck episodes from Fox News.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
I have an addiction, sir!
I think my favorite Starbucks and I are perhaps spending too much time together. Today, my barista tried to suggest a hot beverage other than the one I religiously order because he thought he knew of something different I'd like to try. When I order, it's with conviction and urgency, never uncertainty. I do not think I look open to suggestion when I'm jonesing for my fix. I'm pretty sure I don't even look fully human at that moment. It's not until about halfway through my GrandeNoFatPumpkinSpiceLatteLightWhip that I start to resemble something more socially and fashionably sophisticated than a wild chimp.
I clearly have an addiction. As soon as I get that cup in my hand I begin to feel more calm and pulled together. I am almost convinced they put some type of illicit drugs in their coffee, because clearly there is something possessing powers above and beyond your everyday run of the mill caffeine at work here. I don't even care. The euphoria I get from that cup of Heaven is worth it.
Almost 2 years ago I had a birthday party. I requested there be no gifts, but folks who didn't get that message or who wanted to get me something anyway, showed up bearing gift certificates for Starbucks. These enablers... I mean friends... were unaware of each other's gift of choice. I ended up with nearly $200 in free coffee. Because I cut back on my caffeine while pregnant, I JUST used up the last card. Now that I'm paying for the coffees myself, I think I heard my husband mumbling how he'd wish I had a crack habit instead.... something about it would be less expensive. Oh well, ya like what ya like! (Plus, didn't I already mention my suspicion about the ingredients of this magical brew?)
So anyway, stand back Mr. Barista! Do exactly as I say, and no one gets hurt. Well, at least after I've actually had my coffee... before that people might get hurt. It's probably best for everyone's health and well being to hold off on too much interaction before I've had my fix.
I clearly have an addiction. As soon as I get that cup in my hand I begin to feel more calm and pulled together. I am almost convinced they put some type of illicit drugs in their coffee, because clearly there is something possessing powers above and beyond your everyday run of the mill caffeine at work here. I don't even care. The euphoria I get from that cup of Heaven is worth it.
Almost 2 years ago I had a birthday party. I requested there be no gifts, but folks who didn't get that message or who wanted to get me something anyway, showed up bearing gift certificates for Starbucks. These enablers... I mean friends... were unaware of each other's gift of choice. I ended up with nearly $200 in free coffee. Because I cut back on my caffeine while pregnant, I JUST used up the last card. Now that I'm paying for the coffees myself, I think I heard my husband mumbling how he'd wish I had a crack habit instead.... something about it would be less expensive. Oh well, ya like what ya like! (Plus, didn't I already mention my suspicion about the ingredients of this magical brew?)
So anyway, stand back Mr. Barista! Do exactly as I say, and no one gets hurt. Well, at least after I've actually had my coffee... before that people might get hurt. It's probably best for everyone's health and well being to hold off on too much interaction before I've had my fix.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
You send Alec Baldwin ONE dirty tweet....
This morning I awoke to my twitter feed filled with Alec Baldwin's tweets. So, as I thought to myself "Oh God, Alec is all OVER my twitter!" the sound of my own voice saying that in my mind sounded like angels from Heaven... it was golden. I couldn't keep that kind of funny to myself, so I tweeted "Wow, @alecbaldwin was all over my twitter last night. I wish that was code for something else, but it isn't." Of course, after I stopped giggling, I shared my funny with my husband, who (of course) rolled his eyes at me and shook his head. However, let the hate mail begin! I got everything from people reminding me I'm married (which apparently also means dead and unable to appreciate another human being's appeal without wanting to leave your husband), to people hating on Mr. Baldwin via tweets to me, and people telling me that was gross (AKA prudes who probably should avoid twitter altogether lest they be offended further...)
Just to clear up the whole "you're married!" outcry... of course I am! My husband knows all about my "extra husbands" and "Hollywood husbands". He is so not worried, nor should he be. It's all innocent fun. Plus, he likes the old "Oh, you want those $900 shoes... well, I think (insert any one of my Hollywood husbands names here) would love to buy them for you. Should I ring him up?" He also has "extra wives". Sometimes I assign them to him like "Oh, what about her... she's your type! She's totally your Hollywood wife!" I don't lose any sleep over any of this, and neither should anyone else. It's just silly.
The sad part about Alec being all over my twitter... I slept through it. That is SO not how that went in my fantasy. Damn.
Just to clear up the whole "you're married!" outcry... of course I am! My husband knows all about my "extra husbands" and "Hollywood husbands". He is so not worried, nor should he be. It's all innocent fun. Plus, he likes the old "Oh, you want those $900 shoes... well, I think (insert any one of my Hollywood husbands names here) would love to buy them for you. Should I ring him up?" He also has "extra wives". Sometimes I assign them to him like "Oh, what about her... she's your type! She's totally your Hollywood wife!" I don't lose any sleep over any of this, and neither should anyone else. It's just silly.
The sad part about Alec being all over my twitter... I slept through it. That is SO not how that went in my fantasy. Damn.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Today it's 2 for the price of 1
I know, I just posted, but this little gem just came up. I just have to share my husband's charming and inspirational way with words (in case you all miss the whole dog butt conversation) with the world...
Me I'm so sick of these last stubborn pounds. I need to tweak my diet again to get things moving.
Him Now, remember, the more weight you lose the older you will look.
Me What are you saying? You think I look old?
Him No. I'm saying you'll look older if you lose any more weight. What was your lowest? You were too thin then. Remember that picture of you in the attic in a white shirt, and how young you looked. You looked good then.
Me Still sounds like you're telling me I look old now. I was heavier AND younger back then. So do I look bad and old now?
Him I'm stuck in a hole now, aren't I?
Me Yep. You wanna keep digging?
This conversation comes off of the other following romantic talk from my husband:
Me There was a nice man chatting me up at Mom's work today. He thought I was one of the therapists.
Him He can have ya!
Me Now, now, settle down! What would you do without me? If you didn't have me, who would spend your money? You'd have sad, lonely money locked away in some dark place collecting dust and looking pitiful, instead of being turned into beautiful things... shiny things... you know, what it dreams of being used for.
Him Exactly... hop in the car... I'll drive you back to him.
And this morning...
Me Hey, come here! Look how I reorganized my gift wrapping closet!
Him Can't you just describe it to me?
Me No, I can't describe such a vision, you need to see it with your eyeballs. Now, please come here. It'll be quick. It's awesome.
Our son Daddy, I think Mommy wants you to go look at what we did upstairs in the Hello Kitty room. It's amazing.
Me See! Even he thinks it's cool. Come look!
Son Daddy, Mommy says go look!
Him Ask Mommy if she can just take a picture on her phone and send it to me.
Me Really? You can't come humor me and look at the result of my hard work?
Him Just take a picture and show that to me.
Me Alright, fine. If that is how this works, the next time you want to see something in person I'll take a picture of it and send it to you instead with a little footnote referencing this conversation.
Son What is Mommy talking about?
Him She's crazy.
Son Yeah, I know.
Me I'm so sick of these last stubborn pounds. I need to tweak my diet again to get things moving.
Him Now, remember, the more weight you lose the older you will look.
Me What are you saying? You think I look old?
Him No. I'm saying you'll look older if you lose any more weight. What was your lowest? You were too thin then. Remember that picture of you in the attic in a white shirt, and how young you looked. You looked good then.
Me Still sounds like you're telling me I look old now. I was heavier AND younger back then. So do I look bad and old now?
Him I'm stuck in a hole now, aren't I?
Me Yep. You wanna keep digging?
This conversation comes off of the other following romantic talk from my husband:
Me There was a nice man chatting me up at Mom's work today. He thought I was one of the therapists.
Him He can have ya!
Me Now, now, settle down! What would you do without me? If you didn't have me, who would spend your money? You'd have sad, lonely money locked away in some dark place collecting dust and looking pitiful, instead of being turned into beautiful things... shiny things... you know, what it dreams of being used for.
Him Exactly... hop in the car... I'll drive you back to him.
And this morning...
Me Hey, come here! Look how I reorganized my gift wrapping closet!
Him Can't you just describe it to me?
Me No, I can't describe such a vision, you need to see it with your eyeballs. Now, please come here. It'll be quick. It's awesome.
Our son Daddy, I think Mommy wants you to go look at what we did upstairs in the Hello Kitty room. It's amazing.
Me See! Even he thinks it's cool. Come look!
Son Daddy, Mommy says go look!
Him Ask Mommy if she can just take a picture on her phone and send it to me.
Me Really? You can't come humor me and look at the result of my hard work?
Him Just take a picture and show that to me.
Me Alright, fine. If that is how this works, the next time you want to see something in person I'll take a picture of it and send it to you instead with a little footnote referencing this conversation.
Son What is Mommy talking about?
Him She's crazy.
Son Yeah, I know.
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