A measurable amount of snow fell last night into this morning, for the first time of the season. To my son and the neighborhood children this meant one thing - sledding! To me it meant having to shovel our sidewalks, driveway, walkway and stoop. My husband was away today, so I had to take care of it. (There is some law around here about taking care of your snow in a timely fashion.) I first called a neighbor, but she was at work so it was up to me to go it alone (without a babysitter!). So, I did the only thing I could do, and strapped the baby into the front carrier and onto me. I had him bundled up in many layers, and then I zipped him into my coat with me. I bundled up my 3 year old, and out we went. I shoveled about 75% of what I needed to clear with that 13 pound, wiggly meatloaf strapped to me. The entire time I was shoveling, my preschooler was running around the circle we live in, eating snow, and trying to help me shovel. I say trying because he only actually used his shovel when he was in the neighbors driveway.
It was interesting to me, though, that my son kept asking me to make snow ice cream, and told me we could put sprinkles on it. I had not mentioned this to him, but we did it last year when he was 2 years old. He especially loved the sprinkles we put on it. Sometimes it amazes me how good their memory is at such a young age.
Lucky for the both of us, a mommy neighbor was outside and we made plans for her to bring her two kiddos over to sled in our backyard after her kiddos had nap time. I did get the chance to take a few pictures, but I didn't want to take the baby outside again. The poor thing was drooling like crazy the first time we were out, and I didn't know because he was facing away from me. We're lucky he didn't have drool-cicles coming off his little baby chin! So we stayed holed up inside while big brother played with the kids and their mom in our backyard. They had a blast! I wish I had gotten the chance to do it with them.
When it was time to come in and warm up, I asked them to bring the sleds up on the deck. My son promptly sat down on one of them and told his friend to pull him to the deck! I don't know who this kid thinks he is. haha He made sure to tell Daddy all about the snow day he missed. He also quickly passed out when I put him to bed. That might very well be the best part of a snow day.
I hope everyone is staying warm and safe. If you get the chance, remember to play in the snow. Why should we only get to shovel?! At least make a snow angel.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
What does it mean to be a liberal? Some think they know.
I received the following email today:
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so
many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among
other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more
government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative,
a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had
participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that
her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he
thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes
on the rich and the need for more government programs.
The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the
truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she
was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and
let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a
very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time
to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time
for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she
spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"
She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy
classes, she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on
campus; college for ! her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties
and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too
hung over."
Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's
office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who
only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that
would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired
back, "That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really
hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work!
Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my
tail off!"
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the
conservative side of the fence."
If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great
test!
If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for
everyone.
If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his
situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
(Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping!
for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a
good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended."
*Well, I forwarded it to you.*
many others her age, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among
other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more
government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative,
a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had
participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that
her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he
thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes
on the rich and the need for more government programs.
The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the
truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she
was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and
let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a
very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time
to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time
for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she
spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?"
She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy
classes, she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on
campus; college for ! her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties
and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too
hung over."
Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's
office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who
only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that
would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired
back, "That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really
hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work!
Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my
tail off!"
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the
conservative side of the fence."
If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great
test!
If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for
everyone.
If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his
situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
(Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping!
for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a
good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended."
*Well, I forwarded it to you.*
Now, this was my response:
I'm so glad you sent this! And I'm a liberal! (Thought I had to point that out since it said if I was a liberal I'd delete this. Though the person who wrote this obviously doesn't know who a liberal actually is or believes.)
First things first: "If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it." - Stephen Colbert (thanks Jennifer for this one!)
(My husband) and I have worked our butts off with years of college, internships, job hunting, working our way up, and now sacrificing time together to get all that we have. We've never expected anyone else to help us get here, or thought anyone should support us or pay our way. We've not once taken money from any family member or anyone else for that matter. We've always supplied our own health insurance, and never have expected anyone to pay for ours.
Now onto the other points in this story: So if the the people who use the programs for those who need help that are supported by taxpayer money are ones who do nothing and party their lives away, then you must agree on the following issues:
The mother of 4 who's husband was killed by a drunk driver and now works two jobs to support her family, feed them, put shelter over their heads, and pay for child care, but has trouble making ends meet and cannot afford the premium for the insurance her employer provides, well she is just partying her life away and a do-nothing. We should let her struggle and fail, and her kids live in poverty without any assistance. There should be no chance for her to climb out of the hole. Also, if she gets a terminal illness, she just has to die because the man in this story you sent is sailing the seas on one of his five yachts and just couldn't give up any of his money to help her and her family. So now there are 4 motherless kids, and God forbid any of them get sick, because it's wrong to help them with health insurance.
You can apply the above issues to a woman who's husband cheated on her and divorced her and left her with nothing but their children to support, and does not pay his child support. She should be left to suffer? Or the man with a mental illness like schizophrenia, who cannot hold a job, and is homeless on the street, hungry and cold. He can't help his illness. We should let him die out in the cold? He is less of a person than us? His life is worth less? I hardly believe that!
Also forget the health department, public schools, public hospitals, Medicare for the elderly, social security, and libraries. All of them are supported by the government. (I for one don't believe that only do-nothings use these programs. But then again I have a very disabled *from a birth defect* family member on social security and Medicare who would be unable to support himself without any help. He is completely unable to work, so forget health insurance from an employer.)
On the gun thing... sure, it's great to let everyone buy guns. 20 people were not just shot in Arizona, 6 killed including a 9 year old little girl. Oh wait, they totally were because a crazy nut was allowed to buy a gun that isn't a gun used for hunting anything other than other human beings.
I know a large number of liberal vegetarians, and none of them tell me meat should be banned. They all go about it as their own personal lifestyle choice. Not one has every criticized me for serving meat at any of my parties, either.
Oh, and as for the conservative talk show hosts. They can keep their jobs. We don't care. But we are going to point out that they incite hatred and violence when they do. We are also going to point out when their logic doesn't make sense like the content of this email from this father who maybe should've gone to his daughter's college and taken a class in how to set up an argument, because all of his point are invalid.
But most importantly, I'll repeat this little nugget of wisdom:
"If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it." - Stephen Colbert
Oh, and BTW, we make enough money, and we are proud to share that with those who are struggling, and to know we have reached our hand out to help someone up. That is not only what being a Christian is about, but is what being a human being helping out their fellow man is about.
A liberal thinks beyond themselves. They think of everyone, and all of their personal stories. After all, we are all better off if our country is healthy, safe, and not brimming with people suffering in poverty. Sometimes you have to measure things beyond money to know your true wealth. I'm sorry this man couldn't see past his bank account.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sleep like a baby?!
My littlest cherub, my 3 month old son, gave us the gift of sleep by sleeping through the night on Christmas Eve, and for several days after that. After he became ill with a stomach bug, he abruptly stopped sleeping through the night. Now that he is feeling much better, I expected he'd get back to regular sleep. No chance. This little kiddo should be sleeping 14-15 hours a day, but he's lucky to get a total of 10. He should sleep 10 of the 15 hours during the night (not expected to be all at once), and 4-5 during the day in naps. Well naps are almost totally non-existent at this point, and last night, for example, he slept less than 6 hours. He's had approximately 7 1/2 hours of sleep today, about half of what he needs. He's crabby, we're crabby, it's impossible to get anything done around here all of a sudden. You know he can't be feeling good on such little sleep.
I did not want to be overlooking something, and possibly ignoring symptoms that were from some medical issue, so I took him in to see the pediatrician. Her diagnosis was, basically, that he's a momma's boy. She said the stomach bug probably threw him off, but now it's sleep habits causing this. I'm not sure how since these were not his sleep habits 2 weeks ago. But she said maybe he's used to me rocking him or holding him until he falls asleep, and he's just naturally waking up when I put him down and doesn't have the ability to get himself back to sleep. She tells me he's too young to cry it out, so that's that. I got no other advice. (I certainly can't hold this baby for 14-15 hours while he sleeps, plus all the times he wants me to hold him while he's awake. Not that it's much different now, since he's up most hours of the day and I have to hold him or be right with him anyway.)
I have been scouring the internet for advice, and I've seen a lot about crying it out. Again, she doesn't even recommend that until 6-9 months, although she admits some peds say 4 months is okay. Either way, she says I'm not supposed to let him cry it out yet. So I'm stumped. Tonight I'll try my hardest to go to sleep the second he does, so I can try to get as much sleep as possible so I can keep up with this. The lack of sleep is dragging me down. He slept better as a newborn!
If you have a secret remedy to this issue, please share! =)
One more kid quote for the day:
-My sister's rat passed away today, and I was explaining that to my son. I told him that the "ratty" (as he called him) died, and so his Auntie was sad. This is what he had to say about it:
"I will see (Auntie), and give her a hug. I will tell her that it's okay because we bought her a NEW ratty!!"
Side note: We did not buy her a new ratty. Guess he'll be raiding the piggy bank and driving the power wheels to the nearest rat dealer (or whatever you'd call someone who sells rats).
I did not want to be overlooking something, and possibly ignoring symptoms that were from some medical issue, so I took him in to see the pediatrician. Her diagnosis was, basically, that he's a momma's boy. She said the stomach bug probably threw him off, but now it's sleep habits causing this. I'm not sure how since these were not his sleep habits 2 weeks ago. But she said maybe he's used to me rocking him or holding him until he falls asleep, and he's just naturally waking up when I put him down and doesn't have the ability to get himself back to sleep. She tells me he's too young to cry it out, so that's that. I got no other advice. (I certainly can't hold this baby for 14-15 hours while he sleeps, plus all the times he wants me to hold him while he's awake. Not that it's much different now, since he's up most hours of the day and I have to hold him or be right with him anyway.)
I have been scouring the internet for advice, and I've seen a lot about crying it out. Again, she doesn't even recommend that until 6-9 months, although she admits some peds say 4 months is okay. Either way, she says I'm not supposed to let him cry it out yet. So I'm stumped. Tonight I'll try my hardest to go to sleep the second he does, so I can try to get as much sleep as possible so I can keep up with this. The lack of sleep is dragging me down. He slept better as a newborn!
If you have a secret remedy to this issue, please share! =)
One more kid quote for the day:
-My sister's rat passed away today, and I was explaining that to my son. I told him that the "ratty" (as he called him) died, and so his Auntie was sad. This is what he had to say about it:
"I will see (Auntie), and give her a hug. I will tell her that it's okay because we bought her a NEW ratty!!"
Side note: We did not buy her a new ratty. Guess he'll be raiding the piggy bank and driving the power wheels to the nearest rat dealer (or whatever you'd call someone who sells rats).
Bonus!
Kid Quote of the Day:
"If you take peanut butter and jelly and stick them together, they will taste like a fun hat with a red bow!" - My 3 year old son.
"If you take peanut butter and jelly and stick them together, they will taste like a fun hat with a red bow!" - My 3 year old son.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Sister of invention
I am the proud owner of 1 sister, who is 5 years younger than me. We have a lot of fun, sometimes at each other's expense, but it's always in the nicest way possible. (Right, Chickenbutt?) Like most siblings, we get stuck on something and once we get going it's very hard to stop. This has become more interesting and fun since we've had facebook pages, and on occasion someone else jumps in on one of our threads and adds another dynamic to the insanity. (Smoking planets, anyone?) Making jokes out of nothing, inventing ridiculous things or words or phrases, and fooling ourselves into thinking we are professional critics of all things from fashion to music are all things I cherish.
Most recently, my sister and I invented the "Fuggie". Well she invented it, and I named it. She was at a party, and realized she had an idea to help all the women wearing fashionable heels, that are cute but cold in this weather. She came up with a blanket that zips over the shoe, and up above the ankle. There would be a hole for the heel and the ball of the shoe for traction, but any exposed toes, parts of the foot that are bare, and the ankle would be well snuggled in this foot blanket. "You've heard of the Snuggie, now here's the Fuggie!" We do acknowledge it would be tough to market with that name, so you could also call it the "Flanket" (Foot blanket). We also chose to ignore my Mom pointing out that they make these things called "boots" which also work nicely in cold weather. Touche, Ma.
Happy Birthday, Sis! I'm sure this time next year we'll be swimming in our millions thanks to the Fuggie! =)
Most recently, my sister and I invented the "Fuggie". Well she invented it, and I named it. She was at a party, and realized she had an idea to help all the women wearing fashionable heels, that are cute but cold in this weather. She came up with a blanket that zips over the shoe, and up above the ankle. There would be a hole for the heel and the ball of the shoe for traction, but any exposed toes, parts of the foot that are bare, and the ankle would be well snuggled in this foot blanket. "You've heard of the Snuggie, now here's the Fuggie!" We do acknowledge it would be tough to market with that name, so you could also call it the "Flanket" (Foot blanket). We also chose to ignore my Mom pointing out that they make these things called "boots" which also work nicely in cold weather. Touche, Ma.
Happy Birthday, Sis! I'm sure this time next year we'll be swimming in our millions thanks to the Fuggie! =)
This is not a toy...
I do not allow my 3 year old child to play with toy guns, or even pretend to have a gun. If I notice someone trying to engage in some play with him involving pretend violence of any kind, I shut it down. I always explain that my child is only 3, and he cannot tell me the difference between a real gun and a toy gun. He also does not understand the permanence of death, or how severe bodily injury can actually be. My fear of him picking up a real gun and mistaking it for a toy (since he does not know the difference) is what motivates me to stick to my no toy gun policy. But what also motivates me is that GUNS ARE NOT TOYS. They are not funny. They are certainly not a joke. They are not interesting. They are not entertainment. They are not for anything but wounding or killing people or animals. You may excuse it away, but any other target practice is called practice because it's just practicing for killing people or animals. There is no other reason to have them. They don't make good home decor. You can't use them to clean your house. You can't cook with them.... there is just no excuse.
When I see adults so proudly bragging about their guns, it makes me sick. What are you trying to say? "I can really kill someone with this thing! They will be way more dead then they would be if I shot them with that old, crappy thing I used to carry around." So you can imagine my disgust with "Don't retreat, reload.", and especially when these ignorant comments are aimed at specific people. Those folks who ran their negative campaigns with the target over Congresswoman Giffords, and encouraged folks to get rid of her and come shoot an M16, are simple and ridiculous. Obviously they have nothing interesting, and nothing of substance to say if they are resorting to using gimmicks like encouraging violence or making light of harming others with a firearm. I'm sure their intentions were not to have someone actually attempt to kill her, but as public figures, these people have a responsibility to monitor the things they say and do so they cannot be taken the wrong way with tragic results. I'm not talking about little things here, I'm talking about not trying to act like shooting someone is a joke.
About a year ago now, my family was traveling down the highway when we saw an SUV with a sign taped to the rear window. It was homemade, and it said "Save America. Shoot a Liberal." What a despicable human being. I'm liberal. You'd take my children's mother from them? We are human beings. These people they are targeting are human beings. It is not funny or even acceptable to try to make a joke about killing someone because you have different politics. If you're a public figure, you have a responsibility to behave in a respectable manner, and to refrain from instigating violence.
It's sad and sickening that these people who claim to be the ultimate Americans allude to killing other Americans. Listen to yourselves! That is horrible to suggest. These conservative folks claim to love America. Well, in case it is not clear, liberals also love America. We just disagree with each other on how we should express that love to nurture our country. It's not about threatening each other, instigating violence, or acting like the other half aren't "real Americans". I'm sick of it. I've been sick of it for a long time, but maybe now some more folks will be sick of it as well. Dare to stand up and reject violent rhetoric. If you can't handle having a conversation without mentioning guns and using them to oust your adversaries, perhaps you need not be in public office. I'd like someone with a stronger moral fabric, and actual solutions to problems than with some catchy, violence laced tune they sing about locking & loading to blow away the people instead of solving any of the actual issues.
Alright, 2 rants in a row. I'll try to be more upbeat tomorrow. No one screw that up for me, please. Try to control your violent urges.
When I see adults so proudly bragging about their guns, it makes me sick. What are you trying to say? "I can really kill someone with this thing! They will be way more dead then they would be if I shot them with that old, crappy thing I used to carry around." So you can imagine my disgust with "Don't retreat, reload.", and especially when these ignorant comments are aimed at specific people. Those folks who ran their negative campaigns with the target over Congresswoman Giffords, and encouraged folks to get rid of her and come shoot an M16, are simple and ridiculous. Obviously they have nothing interesting, and nothing of substance to say if they are resorting to using gimmicks like encouraging violence or making light of harming others with a firearm. I'm sure their intentions were not to have someone actually attempt to kill her, but as public figures, these people have a responsibility to monitor the things they say and do so they cannot be taken the wrong way with tragic results. I'm not talking about little things here, I'm talking about not trying to act like shooting someone is a joke.
About a year ago now, my family was traveling down the highway when we saw an SUV with a sign taped to the rear window. It was homemade, and it said "Save America. Shoot a Liberal." What a despicable human being. I'm liberal. You'd take my children's mother from them? We are human beings. These people they are targeting are human beings. It is not funny or even acceptable to try to make a joke about killing someone because you have different politics. If you're a public figure, you have a responsibility to behave in a respectable manner, and to refrain from instigating violence.
It's sad and sickening that these people who claim to be the ultimate Americans allude to killing other Americans. Listen to yourselves! That is horrible to suggest. These conservative folks claim to love America. Well, in case it is not clear, liberals also love America. We just disagree with each other on how we should express that love to nurture our country. It's not about threatening each other, instigating violence, or acting like the other half aren't "real Americans". I'm sick of it. I've been sick of it for a long time, but maybe now some more folks will be sick of it as well. Dare to stand up and reject violent rhetoric. If you can't handle having a conversation without mentioning guns and using them to oust your adversaries, perhaps you need not be in public office. I'd like someone with a stronger moral fabric, and actual solutions to problems than with some catchy, violence laced tune they sing about locking & loading to blow away the people instead of solving any of the actual issues.
Alright, 2 rants in a row. I'll try to be more upbeat tomorrow. No one screw that up for me, please. Try to control your violent urges.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Part time sons and daughters
So there is an emerging trend (or perhaps it's always been there, but I hadn't noticed) among parents of young children. It seems to be the norm, lately, to send your kids off to the grandparents' house for the weekends (as in every weekend). There are variations on this, such as every other weekend, or for a week or so at a time, or to send them to someone else other than a grandparent, but it's still shipping the kids off to be somebody's responsibility other than the parents (and frequently). The best part is I still hear these parents complain that no one ever helps them! I have also seen one of our family member's get extremely angry at a grandparent of her child for not taking the girl for a weekend because they actually had plans of their own. How dare they not be available for her to dump her child off to them so she can enjoy her weekend child-free. When did this become the way to raise your kids?
I had my children because I wanted to have children. I never simply expect someone to take them off my hands. I do not ask someone to babysit my kids unless I really need them to (as in not just so I can lounge around all weekend doing nothing). I stick to that policy because I don't want to be using everyone so much that when I really need them they are sick of me and my kids. I also want to raise my own kids. My parents did not get a night to themselves for 3 years after having me. I have been lucky enough to have an annual weekend away for my husband's work party. We started going after my son was a year and a half old. We also took a 2 night trip to NYC to see The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. So clearly I'm not opposed to having babysitters, or time to ourselves. I just do not understand the weekly need to send your kids away for overnight trips to Grandma's house. Our niece even spends most holidays away from home and away from her parents. Why wouldn't you want your children to be with you for the holiday?
Today I received an email from my mother in law inviting us to my niece's birthday. Even that can't be done by her parents. Between these close to home examples, and the women I sometimes see online talking about how they just HAD to send their child away week after week after week, I have started to wonder if this is the new modern way of parenting. Maybe I'm old fashioned. Maybe I'm the one with the problem.
The icing on the cake for me is when I hear these ladies complain about how they get no help. My husband travels for a week or so at a time. Until 8 months ago, I lived over an hour away from my family (the most helpful and reliable relatives we have). There have been many times I had no help, and there was something hard to deal with alone going on. For example, two weeks after I gave birth to our second son and was recovering from the extensive repair I had to have due to a precipitous and rather violent delivery while caring for a newborn and very active (who doesn't take naps) 3 year old, my husband had to travel for 2 weeks away from home. The baby was also not doing well, as he had an undiagnosed dairy sensitivity which caused him much discomfort. One night I called my husband at 4:45AM, sobbing. It took me several minutes to calm down enough to even say hi. The baby had been up all night, screaming except when I was feeding him, and I knew I had to be up with my first son in a few hours. That is what "no help" is. I always wonder who these women are married to. It took me a week without my husband, very little sleep, and then a night of no sleep, while still in pain with stitches pulling and hurting every time I tried to sit or stand so no position was comfy, to breakdown. After my breakdown I sucked it up, and got back to my work as a mother. I did have help a few nights both weeks from my family, and my mother in law came to visit and helped. But most of the time it was just me, and it was only me until after work on the days when folks could come to help. (And thank goodness for those ladies *you know who you are*, and our neighbor provided two meals for which I was very thankful!)
So who are these ladies who cry "no help", when everyone is bending over backwards to help them, married to? If I was that kind of person, my husband could not even be married to me. He'd never be able to hold his current job, and he'd lose his mind if I acted so helpless and unappreciative of the abundance of help everyone gave me. Did these women not understand the work involved in having children? Maybe they should've set themselves up as volunteers at a preschool or respite program for families with disabled children if they just wanted to visit with kids, but not have the full time responsibility 24/7 most weeks of the year.
Hats off to the mothers (and most of my friends do fall into this category) who raise their own kids! Those of us who include our kids in our weekend plans, and celebrate the holidays with our children. Hooray for the moms who plan their own kids' birthday parties, and don't turn down birthday party invites because we just don't feel like taking our kids to play with their friends.
Thank you to my mother and my sister, whom help me when I ask them to. I would never claim to never have any help, because I know that would be disrespectful to those who do, in fact, help me. I also wouldn't abuse those in my life, and expect them to drop everything to help me. I also try very hard to take care of nearly everything myself. There is a sense of accomplishment when you overcome your obstacles with your own hard work, creativity, and strength. I want my kids to know I wanted them, and want them around. One day they will leave, and I will never be able to go back and get time I lost out on with them. I can't help but wonder if this new type of part time parent will regret the time they've lost once their little kiddos have flown the coop.
Okay, so this was a rant. Next up on my "rant list" (for those days I just gotta let it out): The lost art of the "Thank You" note! Send them, people!!
I had my children because I wanted to have children. I never simply expect someone to take them off my hands. I do not ask someone to babysit my kids unless I really need them to (as in not just so I can lounge around all weekend doing nothing). I stick to that policy because I don't want to be using everyone so much that when I really need them they are sick of me and my kids. I also want to raise my own kids. My parents did not get a night to themselves for 3 years after having me. I have been lucky enough to have an annual weekend away for my husband's work party. We started going after my son was a year and a half old. We also took a 2 night trip to NYC to see The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. So clearly I'm not opposed to having babysitters, or time to ourselves. I just do not understand the weekly need to send your kids away for overnight trips to Grandma's house. Our niece even spends most holidays away from home and away from her parents. Why wouldn't you want your children to be with you for the holiday?
Today I received an email from my mother in law inviting us to my niece's birthday. Even that can't be done by her parents. Between these close to home examples, and the women I sometimes see online talking about how they just HAD to send their child away week after week after week, I have started to wonder if this is the new modern way of parenting. Maybe I'm old fashioned. Maybe I'm the one with the problem.
The icing on the cake for me is when I hear these ladies complain about how they get no help. My husband travels for a week or so at a time. Until 8 months ago, I lived over an hour away from my family (the most helpful and reliable relatives we have). There have been many times I had no help, and there was something hard to deal with alone going on. For example, two weeks after I gave birth to our second son and was recovering from the extensive repair I had to have due to a precipitous and rather violent delivery while caring for a newborn and very active (who doesn't take naps) 3 year old, my husband had to travel for 2 weeks away from home. The baby was also not doing well, as he had an undiagnosed dairy sensitivity which caused him much discomfort. One night I called my husband at 4:45AM, sobbing. It took me several minutes to calm down enough to even say hi. The baby had been up all night, screaming except when I was feeding him, and I knew I had to be up with my first son in a few hours. That is what "no help" is. I always wonder who these women are married to. It took me a week without my husband, very little sleep, and then a night of no sleep, while still in pain with stitches pulling and hurting every time I tried to sit or stand so no position was comfy, to breakdown. After my breakdown I sucked it up, and got back to my work as a mother. I did have help a few nights both weeks from my family, and my mother in law came to visit and helped. But most of the time it was just me, and it was only me until after work on the days when folks could come to help. (And thank goodness for those ladies *you know who you are*, and our neighbor provided two meals for which I was very thankful!)
So who are these ladies who cry "no help", when everyone is bending over backwards to help them, married to? If I was that kind of person, my husband could not even be married to me. He'd never be able to hold his current job, and he'd lose his mind if I acted so helpless and unappreciative of the abundance of help everyone gave me. Did these women not understand the work involved in having children? Maybe they should've set themselves up as volunteers at a preschool or respite program for families with disabled children if they just wanted to visit with kids, but not have the full time responsibility 24/7 most weeks of the year.
Hats off to the mothers (and most of my friends do fall into this category) who raise their own kids! Those of us who include our kids in our weekend plans, and celebrate the holidays with our children. Hooray for the moms who plan their own kids' birthday parties, and don't turn down birthday party invites because we just don't feel like taking our kids to play with their friends.
Thank you to my mother and my sister, whom help me when I ask them to. I would never claim to never have any help, because I know that would be disrespectful to those who do, in fact, help me. I also wouldn't abuse those in my life, and expect them to drop everything to help me. I also try very hard to take care of nearly everything myself. There is a sense of accomplishment when you overcome your obstacles with your own hard work, creativity, and strength. I want my kids to know I wanted them, and want them around. One day they will leave, and I will never be able to go back and get time I lost out on with them. I can't help but wonder if this new type of part time parent will regret the time they've lost once their little kiddos have flown the coop.
Okay, so this was a rant. Next up on my "rant list" (for those days I just gotta let it out): The lost art of the "Thank You" note! Send them, people!!
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