Friday, July 27, 2012

And now my family can't show their faces in town...

Here is your warning... this post WILL piss you off if you are against improving our gun control laws and are totally cool beans with everyone being allowed to walk around with assault rifles.  I am passionately in favor of improving our laws so that we are more aware of who is buying guns, if they are stocking up enough for a small army so that could be monitored, and to prevent unstable folks from so easily getting their hands on ridiculous assault weapons that can kill large amounts of people at once.  I am not talking about hunters, I am talking about crazy town banana pants folks who can buy up all the guns and ammo they want, without it raising a red flag.  By the way, I still have to give my license to the pharmacist and have my killer sudafed purchase tracked, I have to hand over my license for silly string purchases, Target tracks me so well they know I'm pregnant before I do, and my credit card company calls if they notice I have shopped at a store that is out of my typical pattern.  Perhaps instead of "I noticed you just bought $50 worth of junk at Five Below." calls, they should be making "Hey, totally noticed you bought enough guns and ammo to wipe out North Dakota." calls.

So, again, if you disagree with any of that, just turn and leave now... I promise you it's going to get much worse.  I mean, be aware that as much as my opinion will offend you (and it will) I don't very much like your opinion either on the matter, so I guess that makes us even.  So, if you choose to read this beyond this point, it's your fault if you're angry or offended.  I have given 2 paragraphs of warning.... that is more than what comes with a gun purchase.

Onto the story... some thoughtless and insensitive individual showed up to the Batman screening in my hometown's movie theater with an unconcealed gun.  It raised a huge stink for 2 reasons.  1.  How could he be so dense after what just happened at another theater during the same movie?  The wounds are still fresh, everyone is still skittish, and he's gotta be some smartass making a point, and scaring people for no reason.  2.  The other half of everyone is so proud of this "brave citizen" for taking a weapon into a dark theater full of innocent folks who want to relax and watch a movie.  Way to exercise your "constitutional right".  This is EXACTLY what the founding fathers had in mind, and they would so totally not shit their white powdered wigs (another poor choice back in the 'founding fathers' era), if they saw the semi-automatic weapons in the hands of civilians these days.  They'd be like "Totally what we had in mind.  You should probably have an entire pile of them in your home, just in case one person may try to break into your house.  You may need several assault weapons and thousands of rounds of ammunition to protect yourself from the Hamburgler.  You just never know.  Maybe you will be like Batman and save the day!  Oh, what?  Batman doesn't shoot people?  Oh, scratch that, then."

Anywho, there was an article in the news about how the situation was handled.  (Basically, police were taken off the street where they could be WORKING to protect the city, and instead had to sit and babysit this guy "proving his point".  Wow, the town is soooo much safer with that dude and his gun around for protection.  Go ahead, rob the liquor store, drink and drive, or attack someone now, because the police are watching "Batman" and this joker.)  A friend of mine posted the article on her facebook, and I commented on her post.  Only, it was quickly pointed out to me, by my sister, that it was not HER personal post... it was the actual news... so my response went out to anyone in town following the story.  Perhaps I should have been embarrassed, but I was laughing too hard at the best and worst mistake I ever made, and my husband and I were too busy, doubled over with tears streaming down our cheeks.  Also, I didn't think I was wrong, I think I'm very right, so I was not ashamed about my message.  Plus, it was really well written for a facebook comment (thumbs up to me!), so I had to share that shit with the world.  I did remove it from the town's view, so my Mom and sister only would have to spend a few weeks dressing in disguise until the next person does something equally or more potentially mortifying than I to take the focus off of our family.  But, by popular request, I will repost my comment here.  (Thank you to my sister for copying and saving it for me before it got removed.)  PS, I really, seriously do try to refrain from talking about penises and butt cheeks (both right AND left) in the general public, and especially around gun-toting vigilantes.  Remember, God WANTED George Zimmerman to shoot up that kid.  God does NOT appreciate skittles and iced tea, so I can only imagine what he thinks of my potty mouth.  Oy vey.

Again, if you're gonna be offended by this, why are you still reading?  You have the choice, so make a good one.

Yes, we hear about people saving people with their guns everyday! Oh wait, that almost never happens. What I do hear about is people accidentally shooting themselves or family members, little kids playing with and seriously injuring or killing themselves or others, people off their rocker getting them and mass murdering innocent folks. If everyone in that DARK theater started shooting in the chaos, more people would have died. Stop defending inanimate objects whose sole purpose is to kill, and kill a lot of people. Start protecting people who would like to leave their house without being hurt. Why do you have to show off a gun anyway? Is it a "Nice gun, sorry about your penis." thing? I do NOT get it. Quit fantasizing that you'll save the day with your murder weapon. Chances are overwhelmingly that you will not & are much more in favor of them hurting an innocent human being. I tell myself Johnny Depp would so make out with me if we met, but I don't go around with a "kiss me Johnny!" t-shirt on. Not even when I'm stalking him outside of his house. That would be delusional.And, "constitutional right" my left butt cheek. That was from the time of muskets. Carry a musket & we have no problem cause I can walk away faster than you can load. The founding fathers never envisioned semiautomatic assault rifles. Plus, you're supposed to be a well organized militia to justify having them. Everyone leaves out that part. My.left.butt.cheek.

So, that is what I sent out to the whole town... with my full name and photo attached.  Sorry to my mother and sister who have to be related to me.  This is why I am not allowed to do public speaking.


  1. I think you should have left it wide open for the whole town. =) I don't have a problem with guns, but yeah, I'm so sick of the side taking without thought. Love the Founding Fathers didn't envision semi automatic weapons thought.