We survived the first day of school! AKA Where I'm going when I die.

Today was the first day of kindergarten for my oldest son.  I was so nervous for him, as it's his first full day program.  Of course, he did fine.  He was STARVING when he got home... did you know they don't give snacks in kindergarten anymore?  At least not here?  Poor kids!  They also moved school back an hour this year, so they get home super late.  Not a great time for a snack when it's an hour away from dinner.  School budget cuts.  Yippie.  Anywho....

I figured out which ring in Hell I will be sent to when I die... the "My grandfather gets his first skype call WHILE he has me on speakerphone" ring.  Yes, you read that right.  My grandfather, who is hard of hearing, puts people on speakerphone when they call.  So everyone is always shouting back and forth to hear each other.  I called him to wish him happy birthday, and got the speakerphone.  Suddenly, there is this loud, electronic noise in my ear.

GF Oh wait, Honey, my computer says I'm getting a call from your cousin!  What is this?!

Me Do you have skype?  Is it a skype call?

GF Oh yes!  Skype!  *to the skype caller*  HELLO!?  HELLO!?  

*Then I hear them singing happy birthday to him*

GF Oh hello!  Thank you!  Hello?  Hello?  HELLO!?  CAN YOU HEAR ME?!  I DON'T THINK THEY CAN HEAR ME!  Honey, I don't think they can hear me.  What's going on?

Me Um, do you have a microphone? 

GF *now yelling at "The Skype"* Um, DO I HAVE A MICROPHONE?!  WHERE IS MY MICROPHONE?!  WHAT DO I DO?!  HOW DO I FIND A MICROPHONE?!  CAN YOU HEAR ME?!  LOOK DOWN THERE.  IS THAT A MICROPHONE?!  IS IT PLUGGED IN?!  I THINK IT'S UNPLUGGED!  WAIT, WHAT IS THAT PLUG?!  CAN YOU HEAR ME?!

Me Sometimes when my husband skypes with me we just call on the phone for sound because my mic doesn't work sometimes.  You can try that, and I can talk to you later.

GF Oh no, honey, that's okay.  *back to skype*  HELLO?!  HELLO?!  I DON'T THINK YOU CAN HEAR ME!

SKYPE CALLER We can't hear you!  Is your mic on?

*Oh for the love of all that is pink and sparkly, SHOOT ME.*

This went on for over 15 mins before my Grandmother picked up another phone, whispered they'd call me back and I thanked her and quickly hung up.  I didn't know they were inventing new rings in Hell, but I guess, for me, they made an exception.

In closing, I shall end with a silly "First day of kindergarten" tid bit... My son was only too happy to report today that some poor kiddo peed on the floor at school today.  He assured me that the boy did not mean to do it on purpose and "The teacher called for the equipment to come clean it up.  The equipment just appeared magically.  I don't know where they were hiding, but suddenly they were there.  The equipment didn't do such a good job though."  So, I'm trying to figure out if this "equipment" is a person.  I asked him if he meant "janitor" but he just repeated "equipment."  I cannot wait to hear what other exciting things he'll learn about in school this year.  haha  I have a feeling I'll be hearing all the juicy kindergarten goss. 

Thanku Target!

Target sent out what they are calling "Haiku-pons" this week.  They always send out these little coupon books, where there are three coupons per page.  They are perforated for easy removal.  Each page, printed on the back of the coupons, was a haiku in this weeks booklet.  One line of each haiku per coupon.  This inspired me to separate the coupons enough to mix and match haikus.  Was this Target's intent?  I am not sure, but if it was A+ Target, A+!  Without further ado, I present to you... my mostly stupendously inappropriate haikus.  Just remember, Target made me do it.  You're welcome, and I'm sorry. 

If you didn't like 'em, blame Target.  If you found yourself laughing along... I know, right?!  haha

Where do you put the batteries?

When I took my oldest son to the eye doctor today, I instantly thought back to my visits as a young'n to see my eye doc.  I remembered sitting in the waiting room with my sister, thumbing through the old, wrinkly magazines.  And there was that time we sat there trading insults back and forth, in the form of names like "dork" or "dweeb".  It was rapid fire, until she suddenly stopped.  Several minutes later, I saw the light bulb come on over her little blonde head, and she slowly turned to me with a proud smirk on her face and said "Goooooooooooooooooooooooberrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."  Needless to say, that comes up... a lot.... in conversations with us today.  Anywho, that is the way things were. 

Today, it was "pediatric" day at the office.  The waiting room had several small children in it, mostly little boys, and I quickly noticed every single one of them was playing  a game on a phone, iPod, iPad, or Kindle.  All, except my littlest one, who was soooooo thrilled to play with the beads on wires.  Then, the kids started swapping their electronic devices to play the games they didn't have on their own.  Just as I was thinking how funny this looked, and how these kids seriously have it made in the shade when it comes to having to wait in a waiting room (and how I wanted to take a picture, but the little boy in the orange shirt now had my phone), my son suddenly looked up from the iPad he had acquired and said

Son Hey, I know how to play a game that doesn't use a phone.  It's called "Jet Pack!".

Kid in Blue What, is it like on a DS?

Son Um, no.  It's just "Jet Pack"!

Kid in Orange Is it on the Wii?!

Son No, but WE can play it.  It's just "Jet Pack."  I'll show you.

Kid in Blue Where, on, like, your Nintendo?

Son You just pretend to wear a Jet Pack, and then you pretend to fly around to wherever you want to go.  You can go to space!

Kid in Orange Oh, I have "Angry Birds, Space edition."

Son No. *sigh*