Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Scrambled brains

So, I have accomplished my yearly summertime task of seriously dehydrating myself.  Oddly enough, the first time I did it was while we were visiting our German friends at the beach, yes, that same visit I was just writing about in my last blog entry.  That lead to a week of preterm labor, which I went into during that very visit.  (Yeah, there was just endless amounts of embarrassment to be had during that one).  Needless to say, if you can't tell from my rambling, my brains feel like scrambled eggs, so writing is on the difficult side.  I don't want to leave everyone without at least a little chuckle this week, so I'm going to leave you with a snippet that comes from my husband, who has been so sweetly helping me the past 2 days as I frantically try to drink my way back to life.  :(  Hopefully I will remember to take more water outside with me the rest of the summer and avoid this, but I'm terrible about this so don't be shocked if I make myself go through this again.

Being the awesome man that he is, my husband offered to run out and get me lots of Gatorade, and anything else I thought would help my rehydrate. 

Me Well, I think Target has the best price on Gatorade, and since you'll be there, and mere aisles away from it, you could just pick up the last 2 books in the 50 Shades series for me.  I just finished the first, and even though I know I told you I thought the writing was crap, there was just enough there to hook me into needing to know more about the dude. So, it would be nice to have it to read while I'm stuck on the couch.

Husband I love you, and I want you to feel better, but no.  I cannot do that.  That is a humiliation that I just cannot bring myself to go through.  I seriously would much rather go purchase a skid of tampons for you, and drive them through the store via forklift, surrounded by flashing lights and siren than buy you those crazy S&M "erotic" chick books that, to top it off, were written with the skill of a middle schooler.  No.  A man has to draw the line somewhere.

Me You know you want to see if Safeway has it.  Then you could take them through the line with that prudy-lady who took issue with my Ben and Jerry's Schweddy Balls quest.  

Husband You go right ahead and do that.  I can't even bring myself to do it for the thrill of seeing her face, and hearing what she has to say about it.  You know she read somewhere that climate change isn't real, so it's not.

Me I read somewhere that a little bear from darkest Peru met a family at a train station, and they took him home and fed him marmalade.  He talked and had this little note about looking after him.  He was hell on wheels, too.  Always getting into mischief, that one.  I'm sure it was real, as I read all about it.  

Husband See, clearly you are the one who gets the most enjoyment from going through her line.  I couldn't spoil that for you by getting the books FOR YOU.

Me No, just go to Target and get them.  I know they have them.  I'm not even sure about Safeway.  If they have them, I'll just buy them again.

Husband You'd buy books that you personally said were written so poorly, and at one point the "murmuring" made you want to "punch a puppy", twice?!  You'd buy them twice?!

Me Well the second time would happen ONLY if Safeway had them, and then it would just be to fire up that lady, and how many times I could bring up the book's "red room of pain".  She'd seriously appreciate that, I'm sure.  

Husband You're evil, and I'm still not buying those books.  Now, stop talking, you need your rest.


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